Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp are all down due to some sort of tech something that I am not going to be the one to explain to you. I know you know this, because I can hear you screaming “oh no!” at your girlfriend while you’re crying and she can’t even breathe. Now you’re both screaming: “OUR APPS!!” But maybe try to calm down and take a breath. It’s possible that you could use this to your advantage, both now and for years to come. I’ll show you.
Tonight you have to go to a “happy hour meet-up” with your coworkers so you can all “see each other’s faces in person again!” There isn’t going to be a company tab — if you want to buy something, you have to pay for it yourself. It is mandatory. You’ve been dreading it for weeks.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry — I tried to get there, but I couldn’t find the bar. I feel like the outage fucked up Google Maps somehow? Like, is that even possible?? Did the outage like … make the bar disappear? I don’t know what happened, it’s so crazy!!”
The person you’ve been seeing hasn’t responded to your last 13 text messages. You really like them, and maybe it’s just that their phone is broken?
“Hey again, lol, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I saw something was messed up with Instagram?? I know you’re on there, (I mean you know I know you’re on there, LOL), and anyway just wanted to check in to make sure you’re okay. Let me know so I’m not worried!!”
You have to go to a bridal shower next month. It’s going to be not fun. You’re going to have to play a bridal shower game, and at the end the husband is going to show up and you’re going to have to clap for him. This is a familial obligation and there is no getting out of it.
You message your cousin’s wife on Facebook once it’s back: “Hey, just checking to make sure the bridal shower is still on!”
She responds: “Yep, still on!”
You respond a few days later: “Hey Sue, not sure if you got above message ^^. Just need to finalize travel plans.”
She responds: “Hey Jessica! Whoops, sorry don’t know what happened there. Yep, it’s still on!”
You respond a few days later: “Hey Sue, seems like maybe the shower is off? I guess I’ll cancel my bus ticket unless I hear from you.”
She responds: “OMG no Jessica, it’s still on! Let me have Brian call you.”
[Brian calls you.]
Brian: Hey Jess, yeah so the shower is still on.
You: Aw man, I already canceled my bus ticket and my pet sitter. I’m sorry! It must have been that outage or whatever, and that’s why if Sue sent me messages I missed them??
Brian: Oh yeah damn, I remember that.
You: Oh my god I’m SO annoyed!!!! I’m so sad!!!!!!! I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brian: It’s okay …
You: No it’s not!!! I’m so sorry!!!!!!!!
Brian: Hey, Jess, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.
You: Okay cool thanks.
And other things like that.