What would you name a candle, if you had one? Something like Nicole might be nice. Ben wouldn’t be bad, though it might have to evoke clock essence or chimney sweep to feel appropriate. Jessica would be terrible, as would Michael. Though, actually — if it were a Catholic church incense scented candle, Michael would be all right. Apologies to Michael. “Mike” would be horrible, though. What other names are there? Hmm. I can’t think of any. While you think about whether you can think of any other names, let’s discuss the candle we’re gathered here for today:
Hellooooo, Mary! (Tristan Dugray reference; “if you know you know.”) And before we get ahead of ourselves, that’s not “Mary” as in the Virgin Mary — she doesn’t need this, she has enough. It’s also not Mary as in Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, even though we do love her and her cult. This one is Mary as in Shelley as in Frankenstein, and here’s what Cire Trudon has to say about it:
“The Mary perfume is theatrical, with a luminous depth: floral and spicy notes of immortelle, tuberose, star aniseed and cardamom hint at maverick travels that a heady heart – composed of patchouli, Cedar, Gaiac wood – further transgresses. Mary is a subversive perfume: the testament of a rich interior life, it reveals the life of a cursed heroine.”
“What?” That’s what you’re thinking, because you’re not a professional, unlike me. I totally get all these words and what they mean together. Maverick travels that Gaiac wood further transgresses. Sounds um, good. I love that. I’m always looking for candles with that sort of thing going on. But is this candle good?
IS THE CANDLE GOOD?
Yes. Cire Trudon candles are always going to be “good” in the “is the candle good” sense, because what the question actually means is: Is this a shitty candle for people who don’t know any better, or no? And Cire Trudon candles are, in fact, the best. There’s no way around it.
But there are a lot of shitty candles for people who don’t know any better out there. I’ve seen a bunch of them featured on recent holiday gift giving lists, in fact, so please stay alert. Though I guess, in a Seinfeld “you don’t know what you’re missing” sense, if you’ve never smelled a good candle, you might as well keep buying the shitty ones. I’m pretty sure there are studies that say happiness plateaus for everyone at a certain similar point, so you could take that to mean that a more expensive and better candle is not worth the likely negligible increase in “happiness” that it would bring. That would be wrong, but at least better for long-term savings.
WHAT DOES THE CANDLE SMELL LIKE?
Creamy spicy woody. Wet cardamom on a cold day. Cedarwood huddled under a blanket. It smells like you have the day off from work, but not because it’s a holiday; you have the day off from work because your office lost power in a fairly destructive storm, and the roads are full of felled trees. Still, though, you’re home. You’re in a comfy situation. You’re having tea.
IS THE CANDLE TOO SCARY?
Yes, we have to address the elephant in the review: is this candle too scary. Now, it does come in a matte black vessel, which could indeed be scary, particularly if you were expecting it to come in a traditional Cire Trudon vessel, which is kind of like a see-through greeny tan color. “AH!” That’s you realizing it has a different vessel. The scent is a bit scary, yes, but I think it’s good to scare yourself sometimes. Get your blood pumping. Realize how strong you really are.
That was for your own good, for example.
IS IT A GOOD GIFT FOR SOMEONE NAMED “MARY”?
You know, I know several people named “Mary” who tell people their name is “Kate” or “Katie,” because their middle name is Katherine. Why do Marys do this? My middle name is Marie. Imagine you thought this whole time that my name was “Marie,” and then one day you came across a legal form or my drivers license or something and saw that this person you thought you knew, “Marie,” was actually a person you’ve never even heard of before: Kelly. That would be a mind fuck, for sure. And yet Marys everywhere are doing this as we speak.
This is all to say that I think this is a perfect gift to surprise a faux “Kate” with. I know your name is Mary, the candle says. You cannot hide from me. MARY.
HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
$140, LOL. I’m sorry. I swear I’ll eventually review a candle that doesn’t cost an amount that could actually do a fair amount good if spent in a civic-minded way.
Good candle :)