I’m sure many of you have been waiting with bated breath to hear what Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has to say about testing positive for COVID-19 after initially claiming to be “immunized” against the virus.
Well, your wish has been granted in possibly the most spectacular way possible: the football player appeared on the Pat McAfee Show on Friday to share his side of the story, the story being that he sought “alternative,” homeopathic treatments rather than the more traditional approach of “getting the vaccine,” which the NFL requires of its players. And, not going to lie, things got a little crazy. For example, Rodgers opened with: “I realize I’m in the crosshairs of the woke mob right now, so before the final nail gets put in my cancel culture casket, I’d like to set the record straight on some of the blatant lies that are out there about me now.”
It’s hard to beat that overture right off the bat, but the hits kept coming. Here are some things we now know about Aaron Rodgers:
HE DOES HIS OWN RESEARCH: “I’m somebody who’s a critical thinker … For me, it involved a lot of study in the off-season.”
HE BELIEVES IN BODILY AUTONOMY: “What about my body, my choice? What about making the best decision for my circumstance? … This was my decision. This was best for my body.”
HE’S GOING TO MAKE A GREAT DAD: “The next great chapter of my life, I believe, is being a father … To my knowledge there’s been zero long-term studies around sterility or fertility issues around the vaccine.”
HE HAS A SHAKY UNDERSTANDING OF THE FUNCTION OF VACCINES: “If the vaccine is so great, then how come people are still getting COVID and spreading COVID?”
HE SOUGHT MEDICAL ADVICE FROM BESTIE JOE ROGAN: “I consulted a now-good friend of mine, Joe Rogan, and I’ve been doing a lot of the stuff that he recommended in his podcast and on the phone to me. I’m gonna have the best immunity possible now.”
HE’S BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH MIXOLOGY: “I’ve been taking monoclonal antibodies, ivermectin, zinc, vitamin C and D, HCQ [Ed. note: Hydroxychloroquine], and I feel pretty incredible.”
HE’S KIND OF A HORSE GIRL: “Why do people hate Ivermectin? Not just because Trump championed it, but because it’s a cheap generic, and you can't make any money off of it.”
HE’S A STUDENT OF HISTORY: “The great MLK said, ‘You have a moral obligation to object to unjust rules and rules that make no sense.’”
HE BELIEVES IN PROGRESS: “You want to live in an echo chamber? Go for it. But that’s not the way to move society forward.”
Go ahead and tally up the score on your “just asking questions” bingo card. I’m sure whatever it is, it will be more than the points that Rodgers will be able to score this Sunday, because he is banned from playing for his team for the next week and a half.