We turned the clocks back on Sunday. This means that going forward we’ll have a bit more light in the morning. It also means that, for the foreseeable future, night will begin about halfway through the workday. Now everyone will want to go beddy-bye around lunch. Of course, going beddy-bye won’t be allowed until the clock says it’s actual nighttime, so to compensate, everyone will complain about the darkness every day until spring. Wah, wah, wah — it’s dark. Wah, wah, wah — remember when it was bright out now, before? I need to be frank with you. This compounds an already undesirable situation. Collectively, we need to suck it up.
(Please do not get defensive.)
My friend, you need to deal with the fact that it’s going to be dark outside early, just like you have every year before this one. I just … don’t want to fucking hear about it anymore, not to be rude. To help, I have put together a quick guide to processing different feelings you might have. Please proceed with an open mind and an open heart.
I HATE THAT IT’S DARK SO EARLY NOW.
There are lots of things to hate about being alive, this is just one of them.
WHY DO WE EVEN DO THIS?
Does it matter? We do it. That’s all the information you need to move forward.
I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE THE INFORMATION ABOUT WHY WE DO IT IN ORDER TO FIGHT AGAINST IT, POLITICALLY.
You’re not gonna do that.
LAST WEEK AT 5 P.M. IT WAS LIGHT OUTSIDE.
And ten years ago at 5 p.m. I had my whole life ahead of me. Now I’m fucking ancient.
I HATE EATING DINNER WHEN IT’S DARK.
HAVING TO EXIST IN SO MUCH DARKNESS DEPRESSES ME.
In a real way or in a Twitter way? If it’s a real way you should seek out help beyond this blog post. If it’s a Twitter way: yeah no shit.
I ALSO DON’T LIKE HOW IT’S COLD OUTSIDE NOW.
Literally what do you want me to do.
COLD WEATHER AND DARKNESS IS TOO MUCH. I MISS SUMMER
How old are you? Just born? This is life, at least in the location where you live. I suggest you find a way to deal with it.
JUST BECAUSE IT’S THE WAY IT IS DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T HAVE A RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT.
No one is taking away your right to complain. But you have to understand that you’re complaining about the setting of the sun.
IT’S NOT THE SUN, IT’S HOW WE SET BACK THE CLOCKS FOR NO REASON.
It gets dark early in winter no matter what. Your choice is it gets dark at 5:30 or 4:30.
WELL, I CHOOSE 5:30.
SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THEN? JUST LIVE IN COLD DARKNESS?
It’s the only thing you can do. It’s better to just accept it as reality and move on.
I’M OBVIOUSLY ACCEPTING IT AS REALITY, I JUST—
Honestly, it seems like you aren’t. If there is a part of you that cannot give up grieving the loss of sunlight, it is because there is a part of you that feels like your unhappiness is a force for change. In this situation, I’m sorry to tell you, it is not. It is going to get dark early no matter how you feel about it.
I HATE IT THOUGH.
I MISS SUMMER.
IT IS RIDICULOUS THAT IT GETS DARK OUT SO EARLY AND–
Listen, I’m going to have to stop you there.
Turn on a fucking lamp or something. Get over it.
Light a fucking candle.
FINE, JESUS CHRIST.