Everyone, from the dandiest Diddy to the poorest party spangler’s daughter loves Downton Abbey. Every week, we gather ‘round our television sets to watch our favorite characters die. “Why can’t I be a servant in the post-Edwardian era?” we cry as we watch the sallow-cheeked wait staff eat up screen time that should be devoted to the Grantham family’s glamorous problems. “Oh,” we gasp, when Lady Mary emerges in yet another devastating satin gown, “I wish I were a maid!”

Now, for a mere $1,000, our dishwater dreams can come true.

Those who aspire to a life of servitude (yet find themselves bound by the trappings of a hefty disposable income) are encouraged to place a bid on a unique, bizarre item up for auction to benefit New York’s Origin Theater Company: a topsy-turvy evening acting as a kind of servant for actor Brendan Coyle, better known as Mr. Bates (still better known as “Mehhhstah Behhhts”), Downton's often-maligned butler.

Here is the official description from the auction website. The intended effect seems to be that you will experience life as a menial employee for Coyle, but it also sort of sounds like you are Pretty Woman-ing him. I guess interpret it however fits your fancy:

The winner of the table-turning prize will read poetry to Coyle in a horse-drawn carriage ride in Central Park, and then take Coyle to dinner at the super fancy Per Se at the Time Warner Center, all the while making sure that Coyle's every need is taken care of. The bidder will offer to share their dessert with Coyle, and, after dinner will make sure Coyle gets home safely by depositing him in a cab and shutting the door for him. Coyle will then let the bidder know that he has arrived safely at his hotel.

Those who want to meet Brendan Coyle but are less eager to share their desserts with him can bid on a separate thousand-dollar item consisting of a normal old lunch in London.

Or you can buy both, do the New York one first, and then meet him for lunch in London yelling, “MY, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED. REGARD ME NOW AS AN EQUAL.”

[Image via Getty // h/t Vanity Fair]

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