Cool Pope Francis announced today that for one year only, the “Jubilee Year of Mercy,” coming to a soul in you on December 8, priests may forgive contrite women who have had an abortion. “Couldn’t they already do that?” you might be wondering. Hey, guess what—NO!!!!

Abortion is one of only a handful of sins—including heresy and physically attacking the pope, punching him right in his little pope face—that will get you excommunicated from the Catholic church. “What about murder, will that get you excommunicated?” you’re wondering. No, it won’t! “What about torturing someone right up until the point of death but then letting them live?” No! “What about, uh—” NO! Nothing you’re thinking of, unless you’re thinking of “schism,” which you are not, will get you excommunicated—just abortion, punching the pope, and then a bunch of church shit like throwing away communion. Did you know that? (A rhetorical question.) I did not.

Un-excommunicating can only be done by a bishop, and guess what: you still have to go to mass during your excommunication. Damn. A raw deal for women. Cool Pope Francis announced in a letter today that for one year only, the deal for women (contrite women) who have gotten abortions will be a bit less raw:

“I know that it is an existential and moral ordeal. I have met so many women who bear in their heart the scar of this agonizing and painful decision. What has happened is profoundly unjust; yet only understanding the truth of it can enable one not to lose hope. The forgiveness of God cannot be denied to one who has repented, especially when that person approaches the Sacrament of Confession with a sincere heart in order to obtain reconciliation with the Father. For this reason too, I have decided, notwithstanding anything to the contrary, to concede to all priests for the Jubilee Year the discretion to absolve of the sin of abortion those who have procured it and who, with contrite heart, seek forgiveness for it.”

Cool as hell. Ladies, you have one year to get as many abortions as you want.

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