New Jersey Governor and snack gourmand Chris Christie stopped by the key primary state of New Hampshire today. At which point, Christie called for a major boost in military funding. But don’t fret over what this means for NSA snooping, because according to the bridge bandit himself, “All these fears are baloney.”

This show of military support is part of Christie’s gradual lead-up to the day he joins the small army of Republican primary candidates. In attempting to set himself up as one of the more hawkish contenders (to use the term loosely), Christie also called on Congress to extend the Patriot Act, the same Act that the US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit found illegal earlier this month. It’ll be fine.

From Christie’s prepared speech:

[Americans] shouldn’t listen to people like Edward Snowden, a criminal who hurt our country and now enjoys the hospitality of President Putin — while sending us messages about the dangers of authoritarian government. When Edward Snowden revealed our intelligence secrets to the world in 2013, civil liberties extremists seized that moment to advance their own narrow agenda. They want you to think that there’s a government spook listening in every time you pick up the phone or Skype with your grandkid.

They want you to think of our intelligence community as the bad guys, straight out of the ‘Bourne Identity’ or a Hollywood thriller. And they want you to think that if we weakened our capabilities, the rest of the world would love us more.

The “narrow agenda” of these civil liberties extremists, of course, being... civil liberties.

In addition to pushing for increases in defense spending, Christie also proposed repealing military budget caps in general. Meaning that, at long last, our armed forces can finally stop relying on slingshots and bayonets.

[h/t Bloomberg]

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