Russia and China’s ever-growing, often bizarre partnership, while usually cause for concern, has created something positively beautiful: This breathless, handjob of a propaganda video to Putin, with love, from China. P.S. Love your big muscles.
The video comes on the eve of Chinese President Xi Jinping’s upcoming trip to Moscow for the country’s 70th annual Victory Day celebrating the end of World War II. And while Russia might still be scrambling to create the air of having its shit together, China wants Putin to know that it’s here for him—Western sanctions be damned.
More importantly though, it wants the Chinese people, who the video is really targeted at, to know that they should love Putin, too. Just follow in the example of your upstanding countrymen and, in some cases, country-six-year-olds that were definitely not coached in what to say. Some highlights:
China’s view of Putin?
- Putin is a nice guy.
- Putin is a good man.
- Putin is a a handsome leader, like President Xi.
- Putin has big muscles.
- I look like Putin. [Note: He does not.]
On similarities between Putin and President Xi:
- They are both strong leaders.
- They will take action when it is necesssary.
- Relations between China and Russia are harmonious. I just say what I know.
What do you want to say to Putin?
- Can I say it now? Can I say it? Putin, you are handsome.
- Uncle Putin, we invite you to visit our kindergarten and try our steamed buns.
- Everyone wants to go to Russia, but it is still not very convenient.
- I hope the price of natural gas could be cheaper for us.
- We want to be more open, share more information with each other.
- China, as an ancient nation, always treats its neighbors with good intentions.
And it all closes with this beautiful, ancient Chinese ballad: When getting married, one should marry someone like Putin, a powerful and strong man who never drinks much.