The theme of this year’s Met Gala was MAGA, or I mean, “In America: A Lexicon of Fashion.” But which of the presumably vaccinated stars pulled off the theme best? Let’s take a look at a few, ranked from least to most patriotic.
18. Kit Harrington and Rose Leslie
This lady wore a yellow dress and the guy dressed like James Bond. Neither of those things are America. They get last place.
17. Ben Platt
I hate this, but technically jeans is America, and so is Saturday Night Fever, and so is the general idea of dressing poorly. So you have to give it to Ben Platt, who did not get last place even though he is a criminal.
16. Georgina Chapman
Harvey Weinstein’s ex Georgina Chapman made an appearance to demonstrate the important, and grounding, American concept of deciding to look the other way.
15. Eva Chen
Now we’re getting somewhere. Eva Chen wore a designer with the initials CJR (Christopher John Rogers) in order to advocate for journalism (Columbia Journalism Review). Thank you to Eva Chen for her support of the First Amendment.
14. Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez did cowboy for this, which is America. The hat is cowboy and so is the dress. Very nice.
13. Yara Shahidi
Okay this Josephine Baker-inspired look is actually just good.
12. Carey Mulligan
Carey Mulligan looks like if Jackie Kennedy were a Disney princess, the main fantasy of every wealthy white Democrat bride with a politically active family. On-theme.
11. Billie Eilish
Billie Eilish, on the other hand, was Marilyn Monroe. Are you more of a “Jackie” or more of a “Marilyn”? Go ahead and duke it out in the comments.
10. Tessa Thompson
9. Imaan Hammam and Emily Blunt (tie)
These guys both did stars.
8. Isabelle Huppert
When you see the color red, your mind goes right to one thing: Christmas. The next thing is blood. But after that: America. So this one is pretty good in terms of that.
7. Michaela Coel
Blue has a slight edge over red, because whereas red is Christmas and blood and America, blue is just blood and America. So Michaela Coel wins out over Isabelle Huppert.
Lorde dressed as a painting of Jesus and kept doing the Jesus hands even though the Catholic theme happened at a Met Gala several years ago; a clear indictment against America’s relentless lack of separation between church and state and a somewhat murkier message regarding America’s inability to give up on past ideals.
Iman was perfection as amber waves of grain.
4. Debbie Harry
Debbie Harry’s gown answered the question: Will someone come dressed as a big flag? The answer is yes (Debbie Harry).
3. Amanda Gorman
Amanda Gorman came dressed in a beautiful Statue of Liberty costume, holding a book-shaped purse that said "Give Us Your Tired.” Yes, indeed, that is very America. But not the most America.
2. The Golden Retriever that was there
In second place, we have the Golden Retriever that was there. I don’t know why he was there; it seems to be sort of a mystery, although I have to believe the answer would be obvious if anyone seriously looked into it for a few minutes. I’m not gonna be the one to do it, I’m busy. But I’m sure the answer is out there. Maybe he was like a service dog? Though he doesn’t seem to have a vest. In any case golden retriever is about as American as you can get, good boy!
1. Lil Nas X
When Lil Nas X unveiled his third look of the night, it was clear he had won most patriotic. Yes, here he is: The ceiling of the Capitol dome. “8,909,200 pounds of ironwork bolted together in a masterpiece of American will and ingenuity,” as the Capitol dome website says. Beautiful. I believe, under the terms of the Met Gala costume agreement, Lil Nas X has now been instated as president for one year. Make it count, Lil Nas X. You deserve it.
God bless Lil Nas X’s America!