Vogue Beauty Secrets Put Me In a Dark Trance
I’m so glad Sofia Ritchie figured out eyebrow gel
There’s nothing I love more than celebrities pretending to be themselves because they’re lying to us and we both know it. It makes sense — they want you to feel like they are both relatable and also better than you. And that’s how they make the big bucks.
The best way to experience this is through a series on Vogue.com called “Beauty Secrets.” In anywhere from two to 20 minutes, hot people at all levels tell us exactly “how” they do their makeup, how they take care of their skin, and what they do to their faces before going out. All of which is only half true because as everyone now knows there are lasers and needles and seances and very expensive procedures involved. But the fun of Beauty Secrets is about how the half-truths are presented. If I’m watching a particularly long one, I fall into a trance. Gorgeous woman. Beautiful bathroom. Random makeup tips taught to her by some random makeup artist. My brain buzzing. Mmmm. Eyelashes.
How much more stupidly mesmerizing can anything get?
I’d like to share some highlights of my favorite things beautiful women have said to me.
Her secret? “The more I do this stuff, the better I feel inside, the more calm I feel, and then the better my skin looks on the outside.”
Her routine is 38 steps. “Especially for meetings, I don't wanna have a ton of makeup on, even though I just baked my face.”
(She mentions meetings so many times in this video, it’s like she’s trying to convince us she has work outside Riverdale.)
On understanding eyebrow gel: “I used to be so confused at the end of the day. I worked so hard to gel my eyebrows up, why are they down? And I realized I would gel my eyebrows and then I’d put on a tight top and then the gel would gel them down. It took me years to figure out why. I just thought my eyebrows wanted to be down.”
I love that it took her years to figure this out.
The daughter of Cindy Crawford on her inspirations: “My makeup idol was Green Day.”
My makeup idol was Spice Girl.
Fiancée of Brooklyn Beckham, future daughter-in-law of Victoria and David Beckham on the necklace that she’s wearing: “If you guys are wondering what this is, this is so weird, but this is Brooklyn's wisdom tooth.”
I love the way beautiful people love...
The Emily in Paris star on staying as white as possible and the importance of sunscreen: “I was shooting a movie actually in Montreal called Mirror Mirror where I play Snow White. And obviously with Snow White's skin supposedly having to be as white as snow, I couldn't get sunburned, which makes total sense.”
It’s OK to be white.
On where perfume best absorbs: “I read it on something that you should do this, it's right behind your knees. So when you walk, it kind of just absorbs into your skin.”
You know what, I believe this.