Tom Sandoval, the Vanderpump Rules cast member who most closely resembles Cole Sprouse dressed as Johnny Depp for Halloween, has some unfortunate news to share. Although you may have assumed he had a heads up about his best friend Tom Schwartz’s divorce (from the woman both of them routinely displayed open contempt for while filming their increasingly unwatchable reality show) he did not. In fact, the news that Schwartz and Katie Maloney were getting a divorce was, to Sandoval, like someone “bitch slapped [him] across the face.”
As I’m sure you know, it’s difficult to think you know someone, only to find out they have an entirely private life going on without you — one in which the woman they have cheated on multiple times is finally leaving them, after many publicly miserable years full of televised screaming matches and thrown drinks. “It’s not easy. For me, personally, as a friend, like, seeing that happen, it crushes me,” Sandoval told Us Weekly. “They seem to be doing pretty well, considering.” And indeed they do. Katie Maloney was even declared one of Gawker’s “Women of the Week” a little while ago; a distinction only three other women share (!).
“It literally, like, bitch slapped me across the face,” Sandoval said, referring to the experience of seeing the former couple’s coordinated Instagram divorce statements. “I had no idea. Like, totally knocked the cool out of my walk.”
Tom Sandoval’s walk is, at this point, completely devoid of cool. He was bitch slapped across the face, in a “literal” way. In the future, if you or your partner are planning any major changes in your relationship, please remember to tell Tom Sandoval in advance. His walk can only sustain so much damage.