Welcome to Leo season, bitches. It’s a time to revel in how much you love yourself, show off your body, and make everything about you. If you are a sensitive little water sign who might not understand how this works, look no further than Ms. Jennifer Lopez for a masterclass in Leo season merrymaking.
Step one is to dump your cheater flop of a boyfriend and get back together with your ex-fiancé from 17 years ago, sparking a worldwide freakout amongst both people who had fully formed frontal lobes in 2002 and people who were children watching the “Jenny From The Block” video on AOL Music. Step two is to take said ex-fiancé all around the world, and make out with him at every possible moment. All gas, no brakes.
Then, on your birthday, post a carousel to Instagram. The first three pictures must be of you looking incredible in a bikini and, against all odds, pulling off a big hat. Then, just to get people talking, the last photo should be of you making out with your ex-fiancé.
This is a boyfriend reveal. After months of people talking about whether or not you’re with that schmuck you used to date, you take control of the narrative. Yes, you are dating, and you’re on a yacht in St. Tropez for your birthday. He’s your schmuck.
Bennifer, to me, is perfect. Following JLo’s Instagram post, the publicly happy couple was photographed by the paparazzi lounging on a yacht, Affleck’s hand resting casually on Lopez’s ass. Many saw it as a callback to the aforementioned “Jenny From The Block” video. These two, against all odds, have found their way back to each other, and 20 years later they’re back on their exact same bullshit. It’s a publicist’s dream.
The yacht images that blew up the internet were probably the result of someone from Lopez’s team calling the paparazzi. Good for her. Lopez is, before all else, a storyteller. Think about how often she’s trotted out the Versace dress that sparked the creation of Google Images. No one uses nostalgia like she does, and Ben seems to just be along for the ride.
Affleck, who recently went through his own breakup, can always use good press. He has an ever-present Divorced Guy visage, which, if not seen next to a beautiful woman, makes him look like the saddest man on the planet. Being with Lopez, even if it seems like she’s the mastermind behind the operation, is a boon to him as much as it is to her.
Some people have decried this relationship, and specifically these images, as calculated. These people are bitter because JLo is the most successful autofiction writer and magazine editor of our time. I think she deserves a Pulitzer for her work.