The Queen Is Alive and Not Washing Feet

What this means for the Jubbly

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II attends a Service of Thanksgiving for her late husband, Britain's Princ...
RICHARD POHLE/AFP/Getty Images
blue maundy

The Queen will not be attending some sort of sick psychosexual Anglican feet-washing event called “Maundy” at St. George’s this year. Good, I say. Prince Charles will be attending in her stead on April 14. Yeah, I bet he’d like that, wouldn’t he?

Like Coachella, the Royal Maundy was canceled for two whole years. She was really looking forward to it and according to the Daily Mail, pulled out “with regret.” No problem, QL, it’s for the best.

But if she’s not well enough for Maundy, what does that mean for the Jubbly? I’ve already bought 10,800 place settings from a wholesale distributor in Dorset (like Caroline Calloway and her pallet of 12,00 jars that one time – what’s crazy is how we’re both alliterative Anglophiles and really good writers). Thousands of trees were planted. Millions of cow femurs have been cooked down into gelatin for the expected rush on Platinum Pudding ingredients for the Platinum Pudding Contests. Sticks have been whittled, for sobbing out loud. Was it all in vain?

Here’s to hoping the Queen’s Maundy cancellation affords her opportunities to breathe in plenty of fresh country air and corgi fur so she can get well enough for June 5. Love you, girl!