The Best Moments From the Queen’s Final Year

Our girl sticked it out til the bitter end

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Around here, we write about Queen Elizabeth more than any other starlet – even more than we write about Chrissy Teigen. Never was the Queen more effervescent than in the final chapter of her 70-year reign, which happened to coincide with Gawker’s first year back. She always kept us laughing. Now she’s gone, and we don’t know what to do. At least we have our hyperlinks.

Here are our favorite Queen moments of the last year:

August 5, 2021

Stunning First Photo of Lilibet Diana Revealed

When her grandson and granddaughter-in-law Harry and Meghan honored her by naming their newborn “Lilibet.” Page Six got the exclusive first shot of the newborn.

Archewell via Page Six

October 15, 2021

Who Cares: Let the Queen Do Heroin If She Wants

When we defended the Queen against suggestions that she should give up her nightly martini. She can even do heroin for all we care. But only if she wants to!

November 15, 2021

The Queen Blew Out Her Back 👀

When she “sprained her back” six months after her beloved Prince Philip passed. You ain’t gettin’ over him unless you’re getting under someone else.

Feb 8, 2022

The Queen Took Her Late Husband’s Stick to the Jubbly

When she showed off a new stick and then refused to cut a cake beyond the photo op. We deemed her Stick Girl then and there — and the rest is history! (Around this time we also started referring to the Platinum Jubilee — the World’s Super Bowl — as the Jubbly, in honor of a particularly amusing misprint that appeared on over 10,000 mugs, tea sets and decorative plates.)

JOE GIDDENS/AFP/Getty Images

Feb 15, 2022

Queen Elizabeth: Nice to E-Meet You

When she got inside the computer and rarely left.

Feb 16, 2022

Queen Elizabeth Is Alive and Releasing a Dog Perfume

When she became a late-in-life beauty mogul after getting involved in a fragrance line meant to make corgis of all genders, creeds, and sizes feel sexy.

Feb 16, 2022

The Queen Is Alive but Might Have Rigor Mortis

When Queen Elizabeth, the embodiment of the stiff upper lip, got matching stiff lower limbs.

Feb 24, 2022

The Queen Is Alive but Alt Rock Is Dead

When, after a poorly reported item on Hollywood Unlocked, a shocked planet Earth learned that the Queen did not in fact die. It was actually Mark Lanegan, the lead singer of Queens of the Stone Age. RIP.

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Feb 28, 2022

The Queen Is Alive and Addicted to Drama

When she made Camilla the official “Queen Consort” to her grandsons’ dismay because she thrives on chaos, a classic Axis II symptom.

Leon Neal/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Feb 28 2022

Queen Mum Permits Little Lord Pervert Son to Keep One Title

When she allowed her ickle Andrew to keep his Vice Admiral title because he was being so freaking emo about it.

Mar 7, 2022

The Queen Is Alive but Has Been Rehomed

When she “moved” to “Windsor.”

Mar 16, 2022

The Queen Is Alive and Will Respond to “Girl”

When British photographer David Bailey said that he once commented on the price of her jewels, saying “those must have cost a few bobs, girl.”

Mar 17, 2022

The Queen’s Big Issue With Her Pedo Son? His Arrogance

When the Queen finally had enough.

Mar 21, 2022

The Queen Is Alive and Hiding in a Tunnel

When the Firm created an elaborate multi-million dollar plan to hide Lilibet Sr. in a tunnel to get her inside Westminster Abbey.

Mar 24, 2022

Queen Humbly Shares British Vogue Cover with Anya Taylor-Joy

When Vogue double-covered the Queen with a stick alongside the Queen with a gambit.

Vogue UK

Mar 25, 2022

The Queen Is in Teapot Heaven

When the Queen let loose like a bull in a teapot shop.

Mar 29, 2022

The Queen, Small and Alone

When the Queen was just sorta doing her own thing.

WPA Pool/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Apr 8, 2022

The Queen Is Alive and Not Washing Feet

When the Queen backed out of the Maundy, everyone’s favorite Anglican holiday

Apr 14, 2022

The Queen Has Risen? No She’ll Stay in Bed Thank You

When the Queen slept in on Easter.

Apr 20, 2022

The Queen Is Alive and in a Bush

When the Queen held an event called the “Bubble Olympics” during lockdown and assessed her staff’s athletic prowess from inside a hedge.

Apr 22, 2022

Lilibet Fully Loaded

When the Queen went vroom vroom beep beep, baby!

Apr 27, 2022

The Queen Does Not Eat Bananas Like a Sex-Crazed Slut

When the royal chef demonstrated how the Queen uses her knife and fork on a banana like a proper lady.

Apr 28, 2022

Queen Frees Herself From Oppressive Stick

When the Queen broke the rules for once in her goddamn life.

DOMINIC LIPINSKI/AFP/Getty Images

May 3, 2022

Seems Easy to Sneak Into the Queen’s House

When a fake priest broke into Windsor Castle and was allowed to sup in the Officer’s Mess.

May 4, 2022

I Still Think the Queen Is Rockin’ Cool

When she remained an icon.

May 5, 2022

Someone Get the Queen a Lawn Chair

When she backed out of the garden party at the Palace at Holyroodhouse.

May 6, 2022

Lin-Manuel Miranda and Andrew Lloyd Weber to Pen Jubbly Anthem for the Queen

When two egomaniacs thought about someone else for once.

May 13, 2022

The Queen Had a Secret Rendezvous With Her Horses

When the Queen skipped a public appearance at the Royal Windsor Horse Show to tryst with her own horses in a Range Rover.

Photo by Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images

May 16, 2022

Queen of Lean Soft Launches New Stick

When she debuted a new toyboy.

May 18, 2022

Queen Goes Apeshit Over New Namesake Tunnel

When she got to bask in her greatest honor to date, a subway tunnel named Elizabeth

Pool/AFP/Getty Images

May 25, 2022

The Brooch Is Back

When she put in a pin in it.

May 26, 2022

Queen Honored with Rare Jubbly Mayonnaise

When she was Salad Queen for a day.

Collage: Getty Images / WPA Pool / Pool // Heinz UK

May 31, 2022

Tom Hanks Caught Lying About the Queen’s Favorite Cocktail

When the King of America was caught in a lie.

May 31, 2022

Queen Being Passed Around Like a Tray of Appetizers

When this eternal elder was jostled about.

Jun 1, 2022

Jealous Stunt Queen Zeus Tries to Kill Real Queen with Lightning Storm

When she cheated death for the umpteenth time that year.

Jun 3, 2022

The Lilibets Met

When she shook hands with a redheaded baby...

Jun 7, 2022

Meghan and Harry Denied Money Shot of the Lilibets

...But didn’t allow a photo to be taken of it.

Jun 13, 2022

QUILF Elizabeth’s Got a Smooth New Stick

When she debuted yet another piece of interchangeable hand candy.

Jun 22, 2022

Now That’s Queen Shit: She’s Selling Sticks

When she capitalized her gains.

Jun 23, 2022

I Was Wrong About the Queen

When she changed a Canadian’s mind.

Jul 6, 2022

Another Fucken Crisis for the Queen

When a grabby handed freak named “Chris Pincher” derailed her vacation.

July 29, 2022

Cry For Help? The Queen Encodes Secret Message in Stick

When she was trying to tell us all something…and we didn’t listen.

Aug 17, 2022

The Queen Cannot Be Moved

When she sat her ass down, for medical purposes.

Aug 19, 2022

The Queen to Harry and Meghan: Sit Your Asses Down

And advised the Markle Twins to do the same.

Aug 25, 2022

The Queen Goes Apeshit When the Beat Drops

When she closed out a rave by forcing the DJ to play “God Save the Queen.”

Aug 31, 2022

The Queen Is Quiet Quitting

When she made Boris Johnson come over so she could humiliate him in the safety of her home.

Sep 6, 2022

A Desiccated Queen Anoints Liz Truss as U.K. Prime Minister

When she did her final act of girl bossery with her stick in hand.

WPA Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Sep 7, 2022

The Queen’s Stamina Is Depleting

When she tried to hold on for us.

Sep 8, 2022

The Queen Is Soft Launching Her Death

When she maintained control of the narrative until the very end.

Unpopular opinion, but we’ll miss her. For now though, we’re going to need to find someone else to write about.