Calling all Swifties, calling all Swifties. We need to have a team meeting. Midnights is here (and it’s good, I think), which means that Taylor Swift music videos are also here. The first one released is for the song “Anti-Hero” and features all the hallmarks from this era of Swift visuals: She’s wearing some cute outfits, the CGI work is too much, and, like the “short film” for “All Too Well (10-Minute Version)” there’s an interlude where the music cuts out and people are yelling at each other.
This time the brief play in the middle of the video is less Marriage Story and more SNL sketch that got cut for time. Comedians John Early, Mike Birbiglia, and Mary Elizabeth Ellis star as Chad, Preston, and “Kimber,” the obsessive sons and daughter-in-law of Swift who namedrop her relentlessly. At Swift’s funeral (where everyone is platinum blonde for some reason), they’re arguing over the pop star’s estate and learn that she has cut them out of the will. Chad has a brief moment of hope, though.
“There’s probably a secret encoded message that means something else,” he declares, a nod to Swifties’ proclivity towards scanning all of Swift’s videos, tweets, outfits, and Instagram captions for clues about upcoming projects.
“P.S. There’s no secret encoded message that means something else. Love, Taylor,” Birbiglia’s Preston reads from the will.
There’s no secret encoded message that means something else.
Read that again, my fellow Swifties. She is sick of your (admittedly, our) clownery. The fact that there were 13s and 2s all over the wedding cake in the “I Bet You Think About Me” music video means nothing. The one-eyed snake in the “ME!” video means nothing. A tweet with two emojis in it does not mean that we’re getting a double album. Mother is begging us to relax a little bit.
These words will fall on deaf ears, most likely. I am already speculating about what this giant Taylor Swift might mean:
One Taylor, two Taylor, ENORMOUS third Taylor? Yeah, I’m thinkin’ Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) is on the way.