Last week, the 37-year-old Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers tested positive for COVID-19 after previously telling reporters he was “immunized” against the virus. We now know that by “immunized,” he meant that he took some herbs from a witch doctor after doing a lot of “research” in the off-season. In a defiant interview with “The Pat McAfee Show” on Thursday, he explained that he decided not to get vaccinated due to fears about sterility, and he boasted that he has learned a lot from America’s foremost medical expert, Joe Rogan.
I know what you’re thinking: What does Rodgers’ actress-fiancée Shailene Woodley think about all of this? Well. She finally broke her silence today with a series of Instagram stories in which she accused the “shitty media” of “grasping at straws to disparage aaron.” Also, she intimated that he has a big penis. (Sorry.)
Focusing on a Daily Mail article that accused Rodgers of breaking quarantine, Woodley claimed the man in the corresponding paparazzi photos was not her man. “literally ya’ll [sic] need to calm the fuck down,” she wrote, claming the Mail was “finding random fucking men on the streets of la and saying it’s him.”
To prove her theory, she revealed, “i know aaron’s body. VERY well. first off, his feet, ahem and no offense to this rando dude, are a LOT bigger. ;)” She also noted, “for those of us who know aaron beyond the worlds of obsessed sport and shitty media, it’s no secret he has the hairiest hands on the fucking planet. this oblivious homie, clearly, does not.”
I will allow that the man in the photos bears only a passing resemblance to Rodgers. (The Mail seems to have deleted the post.)
Unfortunately, Woodley did not elaborate on her own personal feelings about the COVID vaccine, which I’m sure are fascinating. I would tell her to get out of this relationship, but I think she’s found her perfect match.