Within 30 seconds of encountering Rihanna’s latest aesthetic choice online, I convince myself it is genius. That’s her power. So if she’s having a baby, then so am I. If Fenty makes “open bum” thong pajamas for the whole family, then I’m purchasing them for myself, my six existing beautiful daughters, and my one newborn boy who I only birthed to be like her.
And if Rihanna thinks that Real Housewives of Orange County’s Heather Dubrow is mom goals, then I will swallow the rising bile in my throat (too much champs) and get on board. Heather Dubrow is my greatest momspiration, too.
This shocking assertion stemmed from an interview in which Elle asked Rihanna, famously a Bravohead like the rest of us, which Real Housewives mom she is “most looking towards” as she prepares to welcome her own bundle of joy. I thought maybe she’d pick someone like New Jersey’s fierce but fun matriarch Caroline Manzo or Miami’s glamorous, big-hearted Alexia Echevarria. But Rihanna had to go and say, “Heather Dubrow is so chic while being a mom. Just love the way that she just allows her kids to be who they are. And that's really inspiring to me.”
She also said that “Teresa [Giudice] from Jersey does not play about her kids. She will flatten you about those kids. And that resonates with me a lot because I feel like that's the type of mom I'm going to be. Psycho about it.”
Giudice is taking Audriana to dance and not here to make the case for herself, so I’m gonna let that one slide without commenting. For now, I’m trying to think of nice things to say about Heather Dubrow so I can admire her like Rihanna does.
Uh, she’s a beautiful actress, of course, and who could forget her star turn in that one episode of Hot in Cleveland. Uhhhh. Um, well, her husband Terry has a lot of leather jackets. Let me think, let me think. She recently spent $36,000 on sushi, which is super generous in terms of supporting the restaurant industry which has been hurting due to the pandemic. Remember when she had that leech on her stomach on purpose at Tamra’s sex party and looked like she was bleeding out from an abdominal wound? Or when she got really defensive when that freak lady ate the bow off her birthday cake? You know what, that was really brave. That was extremely mom goals, now that I think of it.