Little Charlotte is coming for the crown

The laser-focused third grader is playing the long game.

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my horseshoe theory

There’s no question that Princess Charlotte loved her Gan Gan, the Queen of England. Together, the multigenerational duo were like two peas in an anemic hothouse pod, or like two bosoms in full-coverage brassiere. Gan Gan is no longer here, but Charlotte’s enacted a plan to honor her great grandmother. She’s third in line to the throne now, but she’s going to be queen, just like Gan.

That’s her plan anyway. It might take another 10 to 50 years to enact, but Charlotte’s not interested in burning bright at such a young age and then smoldering out. It’s a long con, but it all starts today: Operation Charlatan.

On the way to the queen’s funeral at Westminster Abbey, Charlotte rode with her step grandmother, Queen Consort Camilla, her mother, Duchess Kate, and her older brother, George. George is second in line to the crown, after their father, Prince William.

That’s just a few to pick off. Watch closely.

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One can see it in her eyes as she scans the crowd for lackeys, sycophants, and pawns. But the look is also a warning for anyone who might think that the third grader is some garden variety stooge. No, that’s her begonia-obsessed great-grandfather, King Charles. You can’t tell from the photo, but Charlotte’s on aux and is making the entire car listen to “Space Man,” Sam Ryder’s 2022 British entry into Eurovison, on repeat as a means of psychological torture.

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A natural leader and a pleasure to have in class, Charlotte helms this pitiful crew as they drag their bodies from the car into the Abbey. Look how easily they fall in step. Sheeple.

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Once inside the church, a tip of the hat means it’s go time. The identities of Charlotte’s co-conspirators are unknown, but the sly fox has been known to consort with Prince Louis, her 4-year-old brother who is not attendance, and the American infidel Prince Harry.

Also of note is Charlotte’s pin, a horseshoe meant to signify her Gan Gan’s love of horses, but ancient semioticians warn the implications of the symbol are far more sinister than laity could ever understand. In Assyrian and Egyptian cultures, which the queen is known to adore, a horseshoe signifies the “door of life” and is a celebration of female reproduction and creation.

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She grins. None of these dopes suspect a thing. She’ll probably even get a teddy from Mum and Dad for being such a good girl on such a scary day.

The operation will be a slow burn. It is not for us to ask what or how, but Charlotte’s scheme went off without a hitch.