In recent weeks, married couple Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis and on-divorce-watch couple Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd have come out as members of the seldom-bathing community. According to the celebrities, they only bathe their children when they stink, and only wash certain parts of themselves; for example, Mila Kunis only washes “pits and tits and holes and soles.” Of course, we support them — and all celebrities — on their stinky journeys.
The celebrities are joined this week by another white, non-bathing celebrity: charming actor Jake Gyllenhaal, who increasingly seems like a somewhat genuine weirdo in a way I can’t help but admire. He participated in an interview with Vanity Fair in order to promote a new ad he’s doing for a Prada cologne, and you have to admit — It’s incredible the way content comes together. Gyllenhaal was asked about his showering routine, and he responded with an interesting thought about loofahs, followed by his bathing bombshell:
“I always am baffled that loofahs come from nature. They feel like they’ve been made in a factory but, in fact, it’s just not true. Since I was young, it’s amazed me. More and more I find bathing to be less necessary, at times. I do believe, because Elvis Costello is wonderful, that good manners and bad breath get you nowhere. So I do that. But I do also think that there’s a whole world of not bathing that is also really helpful for skin maintenance, and we naturally clean ourselves.”
Okay. I’m afraid we’re just going to have to live and let live, here, with these celebrities. It’s not really up to us, and we need to be able to accept the things we cannot change. The celebrities are likely all going to stop bathing eventually. Los Angeles will be stinky, but at least, thank god, we already know better than to live there ourselves. Who will be the next celebrity to publicly abandon bathing? I suspect … Robert Pattinson, but only time will tell.