NO, MOTHER, NOT THE CHALET!
Prince Andrew has to sell his Swiss escape to fund his alleged rape bills
Undead Queen Mummy has allegedly been paying the legal bills of her pathetic son Prince Andrew with the annual income of her £23 million Duchy of Lancaster Estate, but it seems that the alleged rapist, Epstein chap, glandless wonder, and ex-husband to the less important Fergie is finally sweating it.
According to the Daily Beast, Little Lord Fauntleroy “might be on the cusp of selling his $22m ski lodge in the Swiss resort of Verbier, having paid off a long overdue final installment of $9.1 million to its former owner, Isabelle de Rouvre, 74.”
NOOOO, NOT THE SWISS CHALET!! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ICKLE LITTLE NEST EGG FOR THE DARLING AND WEE BEATRICE AND EUGENIE, AGES 33 AND 31 RESPECTIVELY!!
This is probably the worst thing that’s happened to the British royal family since Oprah asked Meghan Markle if she “was silent, or siLENCED?” Or since they heard my devastating Queen Elizabeth impression I perfected after watching 3.5 seasons of The Crown. (It’s me going “Do sit.” in a British accent.) Or since Prince Charles was caught exhibiting fan behavior toward his estranged baby granddaughter Lillibet Diana. Or since this website started an orchestrating squatting campaign on lillibetdiana.substack.com. Or maybe since Prince Andrew was credibly accused and served legal papers for raping a seventeen-year-old in Ghislaine Maxwell’s apartment in September.
Prince Andrew and Fergie bought the chalet in 2014 and failed to finish paying de Rouvre for the property. De Rouvre sued, but now, “The war is finished. It is the end of the matter. I have nothing to do with it now. That’s all,” she told the Daily Mail.
This is all to say: it’s bad and getting worse for the poor poor boy whose queen mother is worth $500 million dollars, according to the always reliable Forbes. We know he can’t perform any non-Alpine exercise due to a spot of trauma during the Falklands War — he has to keep his internal temperature at 52 degrees at all times, lest his body produce sweat! It remains to be seen how he will get his daily steps in sans chalet, but we’ll be monitoring closely.