It looks like TLC buried the lede on the most utmostest of epic betrayals perpetrated by Kody Brown, the always-giggling-never-concealing-murderous-rage Sister Wives patriarch, against one of his four wives in the first part of Sister Wives: One-on-One. Yes, wife number one Meri Brown and wife number two Janelle Brown confirmed their splits from Kody less than a year after wife number three Christine Brown did the same, but something stickier was afoot in last night’s episode of the soon-to-be Peabody-winning docuseries.
"I was trying to reconcile with Meri, and Meri gave me this really cool birthday present and I'm in this place expressing to Janelle, Christine, and Robyn that I might reconcile with Meri," Kody says in the episode.
Can you guess what it is? A new visor? Total submission? A stock buyback option for his stake in My Sisterwife’s Closet now that everything’s gone to shit?
It was Rice Krispies treats. The long-suffering (and once-catfished) Meri made Kody 31 Rice Krispies treats, one succulent square for each year of their truculent marriage, as a peace offering. Kody couldn’t quite remember how many years they’d been married, so they were also educational.
"She put a bag full of them, one for every year of our marriage," Kody describes of the gesture. "She even included the bad years, the ones where I was like we're basically not really married and the expression was sweet and the mood that I was in was the right mood to try and think about reconciliation."
"I was no longer angry with her for what I had gone through in my life with her," he continues. "I was willing to see the error of my ways and then work to determine whether we were good with each other anymore."
Even after his moment of forgiveness, Kody confirms why there is no hope for them: "The relationships aren't good. It's that simple."
I love Rice Krispies treats, but if I were trying to get my awesome and virile man back in earnest, I’d probably bake something that required turning on the oven. Nothing crazy, maybe peanut butter kisses or one of those cylindrical Pillsbury loaves with seasonal shapes printed into them. Luckily there is still time, as their relationship will be reconsidered weekly, in gritty verité lighting, until the end of time.