Royal well-wishers were shocked, outraged, and maybe just a little bit horned up when they spotted Harry and Meghan en flagrante delicto in plain sight as the royal family shuffled out of Westminster Hall following a service for the Queen’s coffin.
What were they doing? Well, I’m a good Anglican woman, so let’s just say that the sexy California imports were “holding hands.” They were feeling handsy, bumping pinkies, making the beast with two pointer fingers, and feeling out each other’s lifelines. They were doing lascivious digital intertwinement, if you know what I mean.
“On their walk out, the pair were the only duo holding hands, unlike King Charles III, Queen Consort Camilla, William and Kate Middleton,” Page Six reported. I’m barfing.
This nasty act of PDA was a serious breach of protocol, though apparently not as bad as being on record saying that one wishes he were a tampon inside of the future Queen Consort Camilla’s plebeian cervix, for example, or paying a $13 million settlement to one of Jeffrey Epstein’s trafficking victims. Or when, in the waning days of the Elizabethan Era 2.0, Prince William made a million tumescent ring fingers swell even more by offering to a reporter a graphic description of his fuckbuddy’s physiognomy.
“[Kate] has the coldest hands ever. They say, 'Cold hands, warm heart,’” Prince William said at the time. (You know what they also say — cold hands, warm strap-on.) We’re in mourning now, guys. The Markle Twins should at least love glove it up for Granny at the funeral on Monday if they insist on handjobbing it with such reckless abandon.