Another day, another chapter in my one-sided feud with Mayim Bialik. The last time I had a gripe with Ms. Bialik, it was for the crime of having absolutely no charisma as the host of Jeopardy! This time, it’s for the cardinal sin of making me side with James Corden and Neil Patrick Harris.
Bialik went on The Late Late Show last night and explained that musicals aren’t her “thing.” “It’s ridiculous,” she said. “People are talking and then they’re singing. It’s so weird.” I don’t want more Zionists to get mad at me on Twitter for hating Bialik, but this is the sign of someone who has neither an imagination nor an open heart.
Corden felt the same, and shot back, saying, “As opposed to what? Talking in a three-walled apartment? Without another apartment and a whole load of people laughing when they talk? Is that ‘really realistic?’” Got her.
This was all preamble to Bialik’s anecdote for the evening, which involved her going to see Neil Patrick Harris (her then-friend) in Rent in the late 90’s. Harris was playing Mark, who you could argue is the protagonist of the musical. When the show ended and everyone around Bialik gave a standing ovation, she turned to her boyfriend and said, “I don’t want to stand for this.”
Apparently, Harris read her lips, and when she went backstage afterwards he asked, “Why did you say you weren’t going to stand up?”
At this moment in the interview, Corden very seriously said, “It’s a very good question.” And you know what, he’s right. Bialik said that Harris did not speak to her for years after that, but eventually forgave her and sent flowers once he learned that she still felt bad about the whole thing.
Let’s take a moment to break this down. Bialik went to see her friend in a musical in which he was the star. We know she had good seats because she was close enough for Harris to read her lips. When everyone got up to cheer, presumably for Harris – who she said was “fantastic” in the show, she just couldn’t be bothered. As Corden pointed out, it takes more effort not to stand.
Bialik told this whole story through some kind of nervous laughter, presumably because she could tell that neither Corden nor her fellow guest Gillian Jacobs (a hostage) were on her side. And who would be? It’s a story about a teenager acting like a brat and being rude to someone they consider a friend. I think the words Corden is searching for as she tells this story are, “that’s kind of fucked up, innit?”
I am loath to ever align myself with James Corden, but this is the one true power of Mayim Bialik. She turns enemies into allies by the sheer force of how much she sucks. Next thing you know I’ll be over here siding with Erika Jayne because Bialik thinks reality TV is “a little vapid, no?”