Uncovering instances of celebrity deceitfulness is not a fun job, and it is not one that we take lightly. Nevertheless is our job and it must be done. Maude Apatow, star of both Euphoria and current discussions around nepotism, has told a lie.
Apatow told the lie to Seth Meyers, and in doing so she told the lie to all of us. If you must navigate your browser away in order to maintain a rosy yet incorrect impression of Apatow I understand, although I must warn you that this display of cowardice will irreparably damage my opinion of you going forward. The lie is about her tooth.
“I started when I was really young,” Apatow said during a discussion about her early love of theater on a recent episode of Late Night with Seth Meyers. “I remember I always really went for it too, I did like a Gold Rush day and I wanted to look like a miner so I ripped out my tooth.”
Yes, Maude Apatow claims she was so dedicated to theater in her childhood that while doing “a Gold Rush day,” a befuddling activity on which she does not elaborate, she “ripped out [her] tooth,” in order to more closely resemble a miner.
Meyers accepts the facts of her story, asking only if the tooth was loose. “It was not a loose tooth at all,” she said. “It was not ready to go, I just ripped it out … I think I was nine. But I was dedicated!” (She does not say where the tooth was located.)
This is what Maude Apatow would like us to believe. As a nine-year-old, dedicated to perfecting her miner costume to be used while doing a Gold Rush day, she ripped out a firmly rooted tooth. One can only wonder: Has she undergone at times brutal training to become a CIA agent at the Federal Law Enforcement Agency Training Center (FLETC) in Glynco, Georgia? Has she committed an atrocity that necessitates planting a tooth so the cops on her tail assume she has perished? Did she use pliers?
No. She did not do any of this, because Maude Apatow is a liar. There is absolutely no way she ripped out a firmly rooted tooth to play a more convincing nine-year-old miner while doing a Gold Rush day. We do not believe it, and we condemn this lie in the strongest possible terms.
That tooth at least had to be loose.