In honor of Ellen Degeneres’s show, The Ellen Degeneres Show, coming to an end after 19 years on May 26, we are chronicling its farewell season each week. These are the Last Days of Ellen.
Ellen and Michelle Obama have so much in common. The two dear friends share a love of dancing, George W. Bush, and some third thing probably. As Ellen is nearing the end of her show, it only makes sense that she would have the former First Lady on for her eleventh and final appearance to say goodbye.
What does not make sense is making Michelle go to a painting class where the two of them are tasked with painting a nude model while he sings Madonna. But let’s back up — they did not dive headfirst into their schlong sketches. First they attempted to do a still life of a bowl of fruit.
When the instructor told the class to “play with your proportions,” Ellen said, “Sometimes I play with my proportions,” and then cackled. I don’t get the joke. Is she eating more than she wants to? Is she FaceTuning her photos? Masturbating? We’ll never know.
After Ellen passed out berets to the entire class and turned her still life into a Jackson Pollock — what a jester she is — the instructor said the class would be moving on to something more challenging. Enter Aaron.
This is Aaron:
Shoutout to Beth in the back for getting a good look.
Ellen then proceeded to make approximately seven dick jokes per minute, and even managed to do some prop comedy.
Aaron then revealed that when he is not a nude model he’s a musician who loves Madonna, so Michelle asked him to sing “Like a Virgin.” This lasted for much longer than you would ever want it to, and Michelle half-heartedly led the group in dancing along. Nancy Reagan could never.
Because Ellen was making so much reference to Aaron’s penis, you would think it was basically staring her in the face. You would be wrong. The Daily Mail has uncensored photos of the class, and you can see that Aaron is wearing flesh-colored underwear. I just think that if you’re going to tell America that you put a First Lady eye-level with a wang, you should go hard or go home.
Okay, but how did Ellen and Michelle do at painting? I’ll let you be the judge.
Here is Ellen’s final product:
And here is Michelle’s:
Here is the part where I would usually tell both of them to not quit their day jobs, but Ellen quitting her day job is the whole reason we’re here. Instead, I will tell her that she should stick to the stuff she’s good at: flipping houses and being an annoying little scamp with powerful friends. She’s a natural!
Previously on Last Days of Ellen: Ellen Is a Bitch to Kim Kardashian