In honor of Ellen Degeneres’s show, The Ellen Degeneres Show, coming to an end after 19 years on May 26, we are chronicling its farewell season each week. These are the Last Days of Ellen.
Friends, Ellenistas, countrymen, we have made it to the final week of Ellen. Those of us who have made it this far have high expectations for these last few shows. We want big guests in the flesh, huge surprises, and tearful goodbyes from Ellen herself. Today, instead of any of that, we got Jennifer Lawrence calling in while “sitting on the toilet.”
The set-up here is that before she was famous, the Don’t Look Up star used to let her mind wander while taking a shit and would imagine herself being interviewed by Ellen. (Who among us hasn’t?) For some reason, Ellen decided to use her last precious moments on her show to call up Lawrence — who, again, we are told is on the toilet — to talk about the nature of her being on the toilet. The whole thing is about as boring as it sounds.
Ellen notes that this is a full-circle moment, and not just because of the toilet thing. Apparently Lawrence currently lives in the house that Ellen lived in when she started the show, and now Ellen lives next door. Ellen claims that she can sometimes hear Lawrence talking to her baby and it’s “really cute.” I have no doubt that it is cute, it also seems like a lie. You’re telling me that the houses of two multi-millionaire celebrities are so close together that they can hear audible signs of the other person’s existence? Uh-huh.
Then they talk more about the toilet — “I was really into your show, so pretty much every time it was a number two it was you,” Lawrence said; disgusting — and then Ellen tries to conduct a normal interview, but only asks one question. She asks Lawrence to tell her about a role she really wanted but didn’t get. The answer is Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, which she apparently auditioned for with a British accent.
Fortunately for her, that movie is widely regarded as bad, and you really don’t hear much about Mia Wasikowska these days, so it’s probably good that the Hunger Games actress didn’t book Alice. Unfortunately, JLaw now holds the mantle for worst goodbye to Ellen. You don’t get the number one spot without talking about number two.
Previously on Last Days of Ellen: Teigen Tales Edition