Hey everyone, I know you have a busy workday ahead so I’ll get this announcement out of the way quickly and then we can all get back to it. Obviously it goes without saying that I wouldn’t ask for your attention here if it weren’t important. I thank you for your time, and I’ll note that you may want to sit down.
While I know you’ve all been operating under the impression that, at present, Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott’s month-old child goes by the name “Wolf,” we received word from Jenner on Monday night that this isn’t the case. No, the world is not what you thought it was. Your perception of reality has, for some time now, been incorrect.
Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott’s second child is no longer named Wolf.
I know; I was equally shocked. The announcement was relayed via Jenner’s Instagram story. "FYI our sons name isn't Wolf anymore😅 😅 ," she wrote, "We just really didn't feel like it was him. Just wanted to share because I keep seeing Wolf everywhere 🙏.”
It seems Jenner and Scott do not feel their baby is Wolf. Of course, the mind floods with questions: how did they imagine baby “Wolf,” and how did the baby not live up to that dream?What about the baby is not Wolf? Was there an inciting incident for the name change, or has it felt wrong all along? Unfortunately we have no answers at this time. Nor do we have an answer for the question that looms largest: What is the baby called now?
Obviously we have our guesses. “Kelly” is the choice most are hoping for, I assume. Something like "Blormi" would be nice, to rhyme with his sister Stormi. “Dog” or “Jackal” or “Fox” or “Coyote” would all be sort of similar to Wolf, and each has its own charm. “Pete Davidson” would be somewhat thematically appropriate, as would “Blink-182.”
But, well — I said I’d let you guys get back to work, and I’ll keep my promise there. Just drop your guesses for Wolf’s new name in the cardboard box you’ll see on your way out. Make sure to put your own name under your guess even if your guess is your own name. We don’t want any confusion because the winner gets a $5 gift card to Dunkin’. All right. Have a great day. I wolf you, ha-ha! (That’s from the show You.)