It’s officially “spooky season,” and as such I have an important update regarding what is to be done with the corpses of at least two Kardashians. Please settle in, and try to commit these instructions to memory; I’m not sure which one of us will be around when the appropriate measures need to be taken.
On this week’s episode of The Kardashians, Kris Jenner underwent hip replacement surgery. Don’t worry (darling), she’s doing fine, and her broken old lady bones are safe with Kim Kardashian, who wants to make them into a necklace.
“Kim asked the doctor to save her my bones so she could make jewelry out of it,” Kris said during the episode while speaking to daughter Kylie Jenner on the phone. Yes — right. Although we are nodding our heads in complete understanding of the idea that Kim Kardashian asked the doctors to save her mother’s bones in order to make jewelry out of them, Kylie thought this was “weird” and “creepy.”
Khloé was with her mother at the time and asked, “Remember when you wanted your ashes … you wanted to be cremated and made into necklaces for us?” Uh-huh. Yes. While Kris confirmed that she thinks this is a “great idea” as well as her final wish, Khloé said she thought it, too, was “weird.” But her hesitation to wear her mother’s corpse as a necklace could just be due to her faith.
“I don’t even know why we need to be buried,” Khloé said. “In the Bible, it says we can’t get cremated but I just wanna be cremated. But like, why can’t we?”
Like, that’s a great question. I think it’s for when Jesus comes again to resurrect people from the dead, but I don’t know … I feel like, as Jesus, he should be able to figure out how to resurrect cremated people easily enough. Regardless, Kris said that Kylie “doesn’t want [her] to be cremated.”
“My family and I, we talk about wills, death, we tell each other what our wishes would be if something terrible were to happen,” Khloé explained in a confessional. She gave an example: “If I’m in a coma, I’m still getting my nails done once a week and that’s in my will because people are gonna visit me.” Okay, got it.
So — should I go over it again? Here’s the plan:
- Kris Jenner: Cremate her and make her into necklaces.
- Khloé Kardashian: She just wanna be cremated.
- Khloé Kardashian (Coma): Do her nails once a week because people are gonna visit her.
- Kylie Jenner: Unclear but I would guess standard burial.
- Kim Kardashian: Again just guessing but I would lean towards the corpse jewelry option.
All right, see you on the big days.