Justin Bieber Wants His Grandma Diane Keaton to Fuck in New Video
What a good grandson
You know that thing where your grandfather dies and your grandmother is still upset about it two years later so you buy her a Gucci outfit and get her drunk before setting her up with a new hunk? Neither do I, but apparently Justin Bieber does.
Bieber’s latest music video for the song “Ghost” bravely tackles this narrative and bizarrely stars Diane Keaton. To say that I have several questions about what is going on in it would be an understatement, but let’s all watch it first before we get into that.
To recap, in the video we see Bieber enjoying a beautiful life with his grandparents before tragedy strikes. His grandfather dies, and both Bieber and Keaton are very sad about it. Bieber walks slowly down a beach to illustrate said sadness.
Flash forward two years, and the house that they all lived in together is now dark because death is still looming large. I love symbolism. But then Bieber has an idea — he leaves and comes back with a Gucci garment bag and a hat box and mouths, “We’re going out. Let’s go,” to Keaton. She can’t believe it.
Now, wearing a classic Keaton outfit of black billowy dress cinched at the waist and a big hat, Keaton is ready to hit the town. They go to dinner, do a ton of shots, and dance. Then they go home and drink wine on the floor and swipe through potential suitors for Keaton on a dating app.
Then they drive to the beach to spread Grandpa’s ashes and hold each other in a shot reminiscent of Nights in Rodanthe. Two dolphins jump out of the ocean to symbolize... something. Immediately after that, Keaton turns around to see a hunky older gentleman sitting on their car who I guess she is expected to go on a date with at that exact moment. Everyone is happy, but also sad, but also reborn.
My questions about this video are as follows:
- Why do Bieber and Keaton have so much sexual chemistry? The bar scene looks like it’s lifted straight from my favorite movie Home Again, where a divorced Reese Witherspoon gets her groove back with a hot young guy whose name I have forgotten.
- Why is Bieber so insistent on making Keaton get back out there? Let her be sad about the husband she was presumably with for like 50 years.
- To that point, is it not rude to set your grieving grandmother up on a date immediately after she’s spread her late husband's ashes into the ocean?
- What am I supposed to feel when I see the dolphins? While their sexualities are unclear, their overall vibe is giving “straight is great.”
- Was it Diane Keaton or bust when casting this video? Who else was on the list? I imagine Susan Sarandon’s name came up, but if I thought this iteration had too much sexual chemistry…
None of these questions will ever be answered, and I seem to be the only one asking them. Several Bieber stans in the comments have called this a “masterpiece,” and who am I to disagree with them?