With a feeling so sinking that it would bring down a Royal Caribbean mega-cruiseliner, I have an obligation as a journalist to report the following to you all: Jojo Siwa is currently being canceled on Instagram for the twofold offense of wearing her hair in appropriative cornrows while endangering native marine life in a paradise hell of her own making.
How did we arrive at this juncture with Jojo, a rare positive role model for girls in a time when it seems like our youngsters are only looking up to Italian hookers and Vice President Kamala Harris? Well, it seems like the “Candy Hearts” bandleader went on an early spon-con Siwamas trip with her family aboard a Royal Caribbean cruise.
In her now-controversial Insta carousel, Jojo can be seen romping around the private CocoCay Island in the Bahamas while wearing two tie-dye bathing suits at once. But that’s not why she’s landed in water much hotter than the perfectly temperate turquoise waves of the western Atlantic Ocean. Peer closely at Jojo’s scalp in many of the photos — you may be shocked to discover that her now-signature rockabilly ‘do has been braided into tight-to-the-scalp rows, likely in a nod to the legions of ninth-grade white girls posting Bahamas vacay pics who came before her.
And, as if that weren’t scandalous enough, in another photo, Jojo is holding a starfish close to her face, next to her tight braids and grinning maw. The starfish appears to have been freshly pulled from the water — a potential death sentence for the sea creature, according to the amateur marine biology experts who have flooded Jojo’s post.
In a rare display of double backlash, commenters are evenly split between denouncing the culturally insensitive coiffure and denouncing the brazen use of a living invertebrate as a prop. One user wrote, “Jojo when a starfish is taken out of the water it dies 😢hope you enjoy your holiday but please remember to educate yourself on the marine life/wildlife from the places that you travel to ❤.” Another commented, “Not the hair….” Someone else left the sole encouraging word for Jojo’s trip to the White Lotus CocoCay: “Ok where do I get a suspender two piece bikini because this is giving NB EXCELLENCE and I need.”
In my personal opinion, which I am legally barred from voicing, Jojo did NOTHING wrong — what local stylist wouldn’t want to make their mark on Jojo’s head? And maybe that starfish was being a rude little bitch? But, professionally speaking, I must shake my (braidless) (but also blonde) (a little more ash-toned, though) head. Here’s hoping that Jojo will reflect, repent, and enjoy a bangin’ sunkissed glow courtesy of Royal Caribbean.