Welcome to the Fallon Files, a weekly-ish series chronicling only the lowest lows of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
In terms of degrading things a celebrity might have to do on The Tonight Show, announcing that you’re pregnant falls somewhere between cracking an egg on your head and being partnered with Jimmy for charades. This is Greta Gerwig’s unfortunate reality, as she awkwardly opened her guest appearance last night by announcing that she is “with child.”
Watch that clip and then tell me to my face that she wanted to do that. This is a woman who reads books and entered into a long-term committed relationship with Noah Baumbach; she knows this is below her station. Gerwig herself admitted that this was not how she thought the pregnancy announcement would go.
“I went to an event recently and I wore something that I thought [would make everyone] so interested to know that I was going to have another child, and nobody cared,” the Little Women director shared. You know what they say, when no one else cares, you can always tell Jimmy. Say what you will about the guy (lord knows I have), but he will always at least pretend to care.
In a smooth-ish segue, Jimmy asked about Gerwig and Baumbach’s other child, Harold. Listen, we are not in the business of calling kids names anymore, but if we were, I would have a lot to say about Harold based on Gerwig’s description of the four-year-old.
Putting on some kind of transatlantic accent, Gerwig imitated him asking, “What language do they speak in New Jersey?” That was followed by an anecdote about him saying that the fact that bubbles disappear is “the nature of bubbles.” To Jimmy, this was “very deep.” I swear I do not want to be rude, but it does sound like Gerwig and Baumbach are raising that Little Lord Fauntleroy from Barry Lyndon.
I wish the best for Gerwig. She doesn't seem comfortable doing press without Saoirse Ronan and Timothée Chalamet by her side, and I hope she never has to again. The next time she has to make the rounds, she’ll at least have Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling as buffers. Maybe they can all wear pink!