Welcome to the Fallon Files, a weekly-ish series chronicling only the lowest lows of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
Like Tom Sawyer, Jimmy Fallon saw his own funeral last night. But unlike the impish Missouri boy, Fallon did not orchestrate this stunt and no one had anything nice to say about him. And when he revealed himself to be alive and well, it was with a bad joke about Elon Musk and no one was excited. Don’t worry, Jimmy, when you actually kick it Twitter will be long gone so we will only be able to make our jokes on a Discord server dedicated to sauced up girl memes.
This all started yesterday morning, when for whatever reason the account Woke Sigma Memes tweeted this:
Who doesn’t like to lie for fun?
That night, user @SolidusJJ doubled down and tweeted a fake screenshot from The Tonight Show:
“Wait what the fuck I thought it was just a gag lmao rip I guess,” is perfect copy. That is exactly what it’s going to be like when one of Jimmy’s notorious tumbles actually takes him out. The only thing that actually tips you off to the screenshot being fake — other than the obvious fact that if Jimmy died we would all get a push alert from the New York Times — is that the fake tweet has almost 300,000 retweets and only three likes. They also say he was born in 1923. Great details.
This is actually a huge moment in Jimmy’s career. You haven’t made it as a celebrity until someone on Twitter starts a rumor that you’ve died. Jimmy now joins the same illustrious death hoax ranks as Wikipedia-famous actor Corbin Bleu and America’s sweetheart Keke Palmer.
We got several hours of really good tweets like these:
And then Jimmy decided to cut his own eulogy short. This was the best he could come up with:
Boooo. I think this version captures his true spirit slightly better:
That’s more like it. No doubt with a few more hours to think about it, Jimmy is gonna have a rockin’ monologue joke about his fake death tonight. Probably something like, “You guys might have seen on Twitter that I died yesterday. That was actually @JimmiFallon, with an ‘I’. Yeah, he paid for verification just to kill me… I like to think my life is worth more than eight bucks a month.” And oh how we will laugh and laugh.