Oh ho ho ho, and and also well well well, Jeffrey is gonna love this, and by this, I mean this p***y! Page Six is reporting on a “NSFW text” that Jeffrey Garten, the purported CIA strongman and grilled cheese absolutist, intended to send to his beloved bride/my Barefoot Contessa Ina Garten. By mistake, though, he sent the text to Ina’s “publicist and longtime friend” Kristina Felix.
So what did he mean to sext his Hampton Spouse? It was risqué enough that Felix “turned bright red” and responded “I don’t think this was meant for me,” according to Ina on an upcoming episode of The Drew Barrymore Show. Now that must have been one kinky SMS!
Did he say that Ina’s crisp white button-up looked good today, but would look even better soaking wet and without a bra underneath???
Did he say that he wanted her to swim totally nude through silky waves of Crème Anglaise inside one of those iconic big cosmo glasses, like Dita Von Teese does with a martini glass in Don’t Worry Darling or in the Bejeweled video?
Is Jeffrey a total toe hog and was he yearning for his WikiFeet Contessa while she was away from the compound during the Aspen Food and Wine Classic? Did it just say “send feet xx”?
Did he ask her for “the engagement chicken,” that well-known and unpalatable sex act?
All good guesses, but they’re all wrong.
He said, “You’re gonna be delicious tonight.”