The Times has exacted revenge on Meghan Markle by excerpting five different sections of Revenge: Meghan, Harry and the War Between the Windsors, a new book by British journalist Tom Bower that threatens to take down the Fabulous Markle Twins once and for all. I’m not going to sugarcoat it: These excerpts are making her look really bad and making Harry’s old Eton chums look really good. Below, an excerpt about Princess Wet Blanket’s first “shooting weekend” at Sandringham in which she allegedly ran her goddamn mouth, causing Harry’s 16 closest mates to “question her wokery”:
Like other shooting weekends, Harry was looking forward to endless banter, jokes — and a lot of drinking. He had not anticipated Meghan’s reaction. Their jokes involving sexism, feminism and transgender people ricocheted around the living-rooms and dining-rooms. Without hesitation, Meghan challenged every guest whose conversation contravened her values.
While I’m sure these classic jokes about Caribbean immigrants and gender confirmation surgery from the likes of Harry’s squadlads — with names like Charlie van Straubenzee and Tom “Skippy” Inskip — were delivered with crackling irony and an arch sense of detachment, killjoy Meghan apparently just didn’t get it. Guess the thick-headed bird just isn’t fluent in sarcasm like the rest of them.
According to Bower: “Driving home after Sunday lunch, the texts pinged between the cars: ‘OMG what about HER?’ said one; ‘Harry must be f***ing nuts.’”
This situation between the lads and Meghan only heightened when she acted “princessy” at Skippy’s wedding in Jamaica in 2017. The old boys and their parents were excited to meet Harry’s love, but she allegedly refused to engage with Harry’s friends because “their jokes and their attitude towards the world seemed unacceptable to her.”
In the same excerpt, Meghan also showed her brattitude as a spokesperson at a shoot for Reitman’s, Canada’s largest clothing retailer, which offers “inexpensive clothes through its 700 stores to an ageing and declining clientele.” She reportedly didn’t like the gist of the commercial she was set to star in, reportedly saying, “I’m a brash American and if my name is going to be on something, I’m going to have my say.”
Not only is that exact line reading one hundo percent believable, it’s also actually a very funny thing to say, in terms of an author inventing expository dialogue for a character. Meghan should get Bower in the stu to record with her on Archetypes, her forthcoming improv comedy pod.