The birthday girl loves horses, Range Rovers that go vroom vroom, and her dad. She don’t look a day over 90 and all her friends are dead, besides her coral-colored grandson who moved to California. He makes her laugh and oh, how she loves to have a laugh and hide in the big bush.
Who is she? She’s stick girl, she’s stick girl! It’s Queen Elizabeth II’s 96th birthday, and she is alive after 70 years on the throne. In particular, her 95th year was one to celebrate, as she was more vibrant, sprightly, and dynamic than ever. Let’s take a look back at Former Princess Liz the Persisting Whiz’s last year with a mighty photo essay.
Lilibet Sr.’s Most Alive Moments, 2021-2022
April 17, 2021
Prince Philip passed on April 9, 2021, and the Queen attended her beloved’s funeral just days before her 95th birthday. This crazy little dot in a pew on the far left looks quite vivacious, especially when contrasted with the scene at hand.
April 27, 2021
Queenie is inside computer, one of her beloved new hobbies, and looks hot as hell.
May 17, 2021
Here the Queen is doing some hard labor with her second-favorite son Charles, the Al Gore of Llanfairpwllgwyngyll. Nothing they can’t handle, though.
June 11, 2021
June 23, 2021
She’s 100 percent more alive than Boris Johnson. He got Covid like four times.
July 11, 2021
The Queen goes electric at the Royal Windsor Cup polo match.
October 7, 2021
Yeah, this marks the part of her 95th year where we start seeing less and less of the Queen due to her Covid diagnosis, but tell me, does this look like a woman who needs a break to you? She simply had to attend the Queen’s Baton Relay at Buckingham Palace. It’s an event with enormous geopolitical implications. I bet she participated, too.
December 23, 2021
Not a deep fake! The Queen is vital and devout to the Anglican Jesus at her Christmas broadcast after Palace experts announce in November that she “has entered a new phase” and “we may not see her until February.” Beguiling as usual.
February 2, 2021
New phase complete! Reborn and posing like a Kaia Gerber-type for her official Jubbly portrait.
February 8, 2021
This was Stick Girl’s last official stick visit before contracting Covid. It was also around this time that the Queen was reported to be dead by Hollywood Life and then she resurrected herself, though not without some rigor mortis pains. what a month! And yet she beat it all. Could a dead girl do all that?
March 23, 2022
She may have died and gone to teapot heaven, but I’ve never seen her more vital. She could’ve ended it all here. But she didn’t.
March 29, 2022
She does look dead here. Moving on (with ickle Andy’s help)!
April 21, 2022
Gorgeous. Never looked better. Birthday princess. We’re doing shots. We’re captioning the photos “Khaleesi vibes.”
Then we’re resting easy.