Happy Birthday to the Bitchness Royal Anne (Complimentary)
The Queen's only daughter is a right little freak
Today is the 72nd birthday of Anne, the Princess Royal, and you’re like, wait what who? Maybe we don’t talk about her much because she isn’t an alleged sex criminal like her brother Andrew, doesn’t wish to be a tampon like her brother Charles, and isn’t a theatre freak like her random other brother (whose name I wanna say is maybe…Eduardo?).
But that changes today, her 72nd trip around the sun. Anne Elizabeth Alice Louis Royal is a gold-medal weirdo with a famously abrasive personality, and we shall fete her like it’s an early summer fish gala all over again. And how else would Windsor celebrate if not for a list of bullet points commemorating her greatest hits? Probably with horses, but I don’t have any of those at the ready for her, what with inflation and all.
- She was kidnapped in 1974 and said “Not bloody likely” when her captor asked for a £2 million ransom from the Queen?
- She left her husband Mark Phillips for the Queen’s equerry Timothy Laurence in 1992?
- The American press asked Princess Anne about how her sister-in-law Diana was holding up after the birth of the Prince William? According to Newsweek:
To the question "can you tell us about Diana?" the princess responded coldly: "What about Diana? I don't know, you tell me."
"Your reaction to her having a son?" the journalist is shown to clarify.
"I didn't know she'd had one," Anne replied, adding "oh good," in a dry manner when told Diana had given birth that morning.
- A hot mic caught her calling an Olympic Committee member “the most stupid person in world sport” in 2012?
- She predicted Meghan Markle would have a “very short shelf life” in the royal family?
- She allegedly snubbed Donald Trump by shrugging at him at a NATO reception in 2019?
- She got confused for her brother the Prince of Wales in 2020?
- Camilla and Princess Anne accidentally wore matching BFF outfits last Christmas?
- She didn’t know how to do email earlier this year?
Anne, you are Anne-mazing. Happy birthday, acerbic fish girl!