Welcome to the Fallon Files, a weekly-ish series chronicling only the lowest lows of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
In what would have been the biggest thing to happen to this website since being revived a little over a year ago, it was reported yesterday that Meghan Markle would be appearing on the Tonight Show. Such an inspiring meeting of the minds would have been our Frost/Nixon, our Vidal/Buckley, our Grey’s Anatomy/Station 19 crossover episode. Sadly, God turned his back on us, and it’s not happening.
After it was announced on NBC’s website that the Duchess of Sussex would appear on the December 7 episode, the network took it back. Whoopsies!
“Earlier today, it was inaccurately reported that Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex would be appearing on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon on December 7,” a representative for NBC said in a statement.
This is now the second time Markle will not actually appear on Fallon. She was scheduled to go on the show back in September, but some old bag died and she had to attend a funeral instead. At the time, a source told Page Six, “I don’t even know what she was going to talk about, but that’s obviously canceled now.”
Much like that sort-of rude source, I have no idea what Meghan would have talked about on Fallon had she actually gone on in December. According to the Daily Star (big pinch of salt here), she was going to be “opening up about her recent endeavors as well as her forthcoming Netflix docu-series with Prince Harry.”
Does “opening up about her recent endeavors” mean that she would have talked about Archetypes, America’s favorite podcast about etymology? That’s kind of the only thing she has going on, and it’s ending next week. Maybe she could have promoted Harry’s upcoming book, or maybe she and Jimmy could have chatted about what I am sure is a mutual appreciation for the music of Jack Johnson. The sad truth is that we will never know.
This is not within my power to say, but I will do so anyway. Meghan, the door is always open for you to be a guest on The Tonight Show. We (Jimmy and myself) would love to have you on the show to play charades and tell a really boring story. It’ll be a magical night for everyone involved.