Welcome to the Fallon Files, a weekly-ish series chronicling only the lowest lows of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
As expected, the overturning of Roe v. Wade has been a hot topic on the late-night shows this week. Since Monday, Stephen Colbert has had Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on for a three-part interview, Seth Meyers had Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson on as a guest, and Chelsea Handler (filling in for Jimmy Kimmel) delivered a monologue tearing apart the Supreme Court decision that already has over a million views.
Where is our boy Jimmy in all of this? Never one to not take a stand, he devoted a whole two and a half minutes of his monologue on Monday night to Roe jokes. The YouTube title for the video of that monologue — “‘Scumbag’ Giuliani Gets Slapped on the Back, SCOTUS Overturns Roe v. Wade” — even mentions the historic event, right after the equally historic event that is Rudy Giuliani’s narrow brush with death via light back pat. Jimmy is so devoted to being a political ally that he made sure to keep the important part right where YouTube will automatically hide it in a preview. It’s called subtlety.
But Jimmy could only courageously duck away from the topic for so long. Maya Hawke made an appearance to promote the latest batch of Stranger Things episodes, but, like many of us, she had other things on her mind. After some fluffy banter about how Jimmy held her as a baby, Hawke pivoted to telling Jimbo about a conversation she had with her mom (Uma Thurman) earlier in the day.
“My mom wrote this really beautiful essay about her abortion that she got when she was really young, and about how if she hadn’t have had it, she wouldn’t have become the person that she’d become, and I wouldn’t exist, and how both of my parents lives would’ve been totally derailed if she hadn’t had access to safe and legal health care — fundamental health care,” Hawke shared.
Let’s take a look at Jimmy’s active listening face.
I see a man who is barely hiding how pissed he is that this is coming up on his show, of all places. Or that’s just the look of his brain malfunctioning because he doesn’t know what to do when he can’t just laugh away any hint of seriousness.
Hawke, talking a mile a minute, continued: “Of course, wealthy people will always be able to get abortions, but so many people, because of this ruling this week, will not only not be able to pursue their dreams, but actually lose their lives and be unsafe. And I just wanted to say that, like, fuck the Supreme Court.”
The crowd went wild, and Jimmy forced a smile and told Hawke that she can “absolutely say that.” She then said, “Fuck the Supreme Court” again for good measure, which earned her a laugh and a table slap from Jimmy, one of his most grating tics. He inexplicably shook her hand and thanked her for “saying that” before quickly changing the subject. They had more important things to discuss, like her Instagram bio — it reads “Tony Hawk’s daughter.” 😂😂😂
Previously on Fallon Files: Jimmy Pretends to Know Who Emma Chamberlain Is