Welcome to the Fallon Files, a weekly-ish series chronicling only the lowest lows of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.
By now we all know that Jimmy never really has much to say. This is usually fine, because his guests come on his show with express prompts for him to react to. They’re there to promote a project, they have their talking points, and they have their vaguely humorous anecdote. This set up allows Jimmy to just kind of sit at the table and go, “Tell me about XYZ… No WAY, that is AWESOME,” before throwing to commercial.
Last night he found a challenger in the form of Cara Delevigne, who had absolutely nothing to say. Or maybe she did, it was impossible to get a good read on her motives because she had the same wild-eyed energy she did on the Met Gala red carpet.
The number one thing they discuss is that Delevigne just bought Jimmy’s old apartment, a $10.8-million triplex reminiscent of when a kitschy motel has different themes for each room. “I tried to design my house in LA basically like that without knowing that house,” the model said. “This house is what I would have designed if I had style.” Yes, we all wish we had Jimmy’s eye for design.
Also on the docket was Delevigne’s odd behavior at the Billboard Music Awards with Megan Thee Stallion (“I was walking around with a clipboard helping her do lines.” What?), her role on this season of Only Murders in the Building (she’s the Martin Short and Selena Gomez is the Steve Martin in their IRL friendship), and then somehow they squeezed in promo for her prosecco brand by having the model poorly execute a magic trick. This would be too much even for the most charismatic person alive, let alone a girl whose main claim to fame is having especially full eyebrows.
I have watched a lot of these interviews at this point, and this one is probably the worst I’ve ever seen. No one knew what they were there to talk about, Delevigne couldn’t stop trying to make jokes, and she was going so fast that Jimmy didn’t even have time to slap the table in a show of appreciation. The balance of the interview was all off, so much so that I actually felt grounded when I watched the episode’s other guest: Neil Patrick Harris.