Exposed! UK Abuses Wee George's Human Rights
He was roasting his piggies off at Wimbledon
Prince George was made to wear a suit and tie to the royal box at Wimbledon. The boy’s as tidy as a tennis match is long and probably enjoys a natty little outfit, but it was 95 degrees out yesterday. It was, in fact, the hottest day of the year, and the immaculate little potentate was overheard telling his dad William it was “too hot” as he arrived at the All England Club stadium for the match with Kate, known nutbag mum.
Here’s the exchange, via the Sun:
Shortly after Kate and George arrived, Prince William was filmed giving them a quick hug in the reception.
As chairman Ian Hewitt led them to their seats, the doting dad asked his son if their journey across South London was "okay".
While William strokes George's hair, the eight-year-old quietly tells his dad: "[It's] too hot."
Expressing concern, William then replied: "Oh you're hot, are you?
"It's very warm today [...] It'll be fine."
Kate then said: "You have to feel for the people sitting in the bright sunshine…We're quite often sitting in the shade."
Oh, my cakes! Oh, how he suffers!
Obviously, the Daily Beast’s royal correspondent Tom Sykes has categorized this exchange as proof of a human rights violation of Gordonstounian proportions for the future king. Little Prince G kept his shit on lock, but it still wasn’t fair of his PDA-obsessed parents to “shoehorn” him into a two-piece in “ice-cream melting conditions.”
“Yet despite his astonishingly mature conduct… to many observers the notion of dressing George up in a suit and tie was a reminder of the absurd and Victorian demands that the institution places on the Windsor children,” Sykes wrote.
He understands why Harry left the whole clan behind for the winding roads of Montecito – too many suits! Racism against his wife, too, probably – though she’d had enough of Suits too. Hahahahaha, Ha.
For what it’s worth, Tom Cruise’s handlers also shoehorned him into a suit at Wimbledon, and he didn’t even get to talk to Kate Middleton. Poor boy.
The Beast also wrote fan fic about the Fabulous Markle Twins watching from afar.
“One can, of course, only imagine Harry and Meghan’s reaction to George apparently cosplaying as his father if they tuned in to watch the Wimbledon final Sunday,” Sykes wrote. “One assumes their response would be located, approximately, in the intersection of one of those Venn diagrams with three circular sets, the circles entitled, 1: ‘FFS,’ 2: ‘What is wrong with those people?’ and, 3: ‘Thank God we got out.’”
Yeah, those two are certainly thanking Xenu they got out from the chokehold of Italian wool and mandatory observation of curtsying at Wimbledon.