Millie Bobby Brown Is a Liar
Her reputation is toast
Millie Bobby Brown, the 18-year-old Stranger Things star we’re always a little worried about, not due to anything necessarily specific that has happened to her but just in general, is a liar. Our perception of her has changed. We now perceive her as deceitful. We will never trust her again, and this inability to trust will reverberate in all of our relationships and eventually hasten societal collapse.
She does not like Eggo waffles.
You might remember that in Stranger Things, Millie Bobby Brown’s character Eleven liked Eggo waffles. I remember this and I only watched the first season, several decades ago. She liked Eggo waffles so much that, for Halloween, people included Eggo waffles in their Eleven costumes. And yet? We now know that Millie Bobby Brown does not like Eggo waffles.
The actress admitted to this heinous fact in a “Google autofill” interview with Wired, which is a type of interview Wired does in which celebrities answer the questions that autofill after their name in Google, a concept I must admit I like. "Does Millie Bobby Brown like waffles," Google asked.
“No, I don’t,” she said. “People think I do, but actually, in Stranger Things, I had a little spit bucket next to me and I’d spit into it, because I couldn’t swallow the waffles. Because I’d gag.”
A spit bucket for your chewed up Eggo waffle bites, bites which we were previously under the impression were delicious to you, due to our (generally correct) refusal to separate “the art from the artist,” so to speak? We will not forget this, Millie Bobby Brown. Just as we will never forget that Rory was actually drinking soda — not coffee — on Gilmore Girls. Just as we will never be allowed to forget that the people on Friends couldn’t afford those apartments, oh my god, like we give a shit.
You have made an enemy today, Millie Bobby Brown. Trust that we will never “l’eggo” of this animus.