Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell, a married couple who have been on Gawker’s Celebrity Divorce Watch since July, are just like you. They’ve attended couples therapy, they don’t regularly bathe their kids, one of them bulked up using “heavy testosterone injections,” and now that same one accidentally filled a $1,359 mattress topper with protein shake instead of water, causing his bedroom to smell like rotting shit. Who can’t relate to that?
The story of the mattress topper made the rounds under headlines offering another seemingly startling revelation about the couple: they let their two children sleep in their bedroom. While of course we appreciate another quirky look into the life of Hollywood’s most relatable couple, the true story was buried — under a layer of farts.
Yes, one night in their four-person bedroom, Kristen Bell smelled something stinky. She asked if anyone had farted, and everyone confirmed that they had. Satisfied with that information, Bell went back to sleep, only to awake in a room that still smelled like shit; a scent that lingered into the evening.
“That night, I go to bed, I'm like, ‘Does anybody else smell this, like, rotten garbage?’” Bell said while recalling the incident during an episode of Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert. The family looked for the source of the problem and came up with nothing until Bell decided to smell the mattress itself. “I lean down and smell the mattress, Dax's corner, his feet corner of the mattress, and I almost hit the deck,” she said. “I almost passed out. It was so strong.”
What could have caused this? Insider explains:
“The culprit of the smell was the couple's OOLER mattress pad, which Shepard had accidentally filled with a protein shake instead of water while in a sleepy stupor.”
Uh-huh. One has to wonder — how “sleepy” must a stupor be for one to mistake protein shake with water? And how does one fill an entire mattress pad with protein shake? Does the Bell-Shepherd family have, for example, some sort of protein shake tank with a hose, situated right next to their bedroom water hose? Do they have a “protein shake sink” that sits adjacent and looks nearly identical to their normal water sink?
Unable to sit with these disturbing questions, I looked into the OOLER mattress pad. The product allows its user to control the temperature of their bed using a water heating and cooling system. Its website suggests setting the pad to a cooler temperature at night that eases into a warmer temperature in the morning. The pad requires about 32 oz. of distilled water that resides in a tank.
So did he put 32 oz. of shake in there?
It seems like the answer could be: no. “How often do you fill the tank,” asks an Amazon user on the site’s OOLER listing. “No more than once every two months or so,” replied an OOLER owner. “Just add a little water to top it off. Pretty much hassle free.” Huh.
So we are left only to believe that Dax Shepard has two identical water bottles, one for water and one for protein shake. In his “sleepy stupor” he got up to top off his OOLER tank, and “topped it off” with the wrong bottle. And to keep this disturbing anecdote out of my mind for the foreseeable future, that explanation is good enough for me.