Chris Pratt’s Garage Makeover Absolutely Sucks
We demand a better reveal
Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger are two of the planet’s scariest living residents. Their names alone, replete with denials of creepy Instagram comments and bigoted church activity and Arnold Schwarzenegger, strike fear into the heart of any feeling human. It comes as no surprise, then, that, according to People, two professional “A-list” home organizers behind a new Netflix show “had been particularly nervous” to work with them, “despite organizing for many stars over the years.”
I don’t know if that well-deserved fear is what led these organizers to do such an unimpressive job “making over” Chris Pratt’s garage (a “surprise” planned by Katherine Schwarzenegger, or so we are told by People), but an unimpressive job is what they did.
“Woah. Wow. Yeah,” says Chris Pratt, beholding his new garage kingdom in which plastic bins, once not filled, were now filled. "What made me so excited is looking at that little work bench," he says, looking at the smallest and most useless work bench this writer has ever encountered. "I know exactly what my first project I'm gonna do on that work bench is and I'm excited about it."
What might that first project be, Chris Pratt? No wait — don’t tell us. I’m afraid whatever demented dream your confession may hold will scare these organizers such that they will be unable to ever again complete a “reveal” worthy of the two minutes I spent watching a clip.
"Completely forgot I had that knife sharpening kit, and I've got that work space," Pratt says, seemingly revealing that one of his favorite parts of the garage makeover is the fact that he was reminded about the possibility of knife sharpening. "I can't wait. I'm gonna cut some steaks and you're gonna be like, 'Wow, that was just like a knife through butter.' And I'll say, 'Yeah, because I sharpened it in our new garage.'" Uh-huh.
Okay, look at this:
This sucks. This is not an exciting makeover. BOOOOO!