Here’s where we are vis-à-vis Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. It’s February 8. J.Lo’s come-back rom-com Marry Me, which is about an international pop star named “Kat Valdez” who literally gets married, premieres on February 11. Valentine’s Day is February 14. And as of this moment, Affleck has not proposed. WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
Since April of last year, we have watched the reunited Bennifer commit to pap walk after pap walk. We have supported them as they blended their families over dinner at Craig’s and visits to the Magic Castle. We read about the “Affleck Lopez Family” gingerbread house in The New York Times. We pre-saved Lopez’s new single on Spotify, and we saw The Last Duel in theaters. What should we get now? A proposal. Mr. Affleck, you have six days.
You could argue that just because J.Lo is currently on a promotional tour for a movie about the promise of matrimony and the enduring power of true love doesn’t mean that she needs to get engaged in real life. That sometimes, it’s refreshing when celebrities’ personal announcements don’t line up quite so neatly with their professional commitments. That getting engaged on Valentine’s Day is hacky and it didn’t work for Lady Gaga. But you would be wrong.
In the case of Bennifer, nothing makes more sense than getting engaged right now. Affleck will simply never do better, and Lopez loves to get engaged. She’s done it five times already. Of course she wants to be able to flash a six-carat diamond ring while walking down the pink carpet at her movie premiere this week. She wants to put her face next to Affleck’s face and then point to something off-camera so that everyone sees their faces and the ring together in one frame, like she did when they were engaged for the first time in 2002. When People asks her what her relationship with Affleck is like, she wants to be able to say “we’re getting married” instead of “we’re all in a very beautiful moment.”
I’m not accusing Affleck of being an unsupportive partner — he’s been by Lopez’s side on her Marry Me promo tour, and he always says nice things about her when asked. He pap-walked with her after her appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, and he “pop[ped] in for a kiss” during her New York Times interview. But that’s simply not enough. These basic celebrity boyfriend obligations are not what THIS MOMENT calls for.
Ben, I know you know that I’m right. So please, present your beloved girlfriend with a ring that is as good or better than the one you gave her 20 years ago within the next week or, so help me God, I will find a way to ban you from Dunkin’ for life. You could whisk her away to Montana and propose in the middle of an enchanted forest. You could fly her to Boston and get down on one knee while a children’s choir sings “Sweet Caroline.” You could do it on Instagram Live. Whatever you decide, we can’t wait to hear about it VERY SOON.