Subject: Job application
Dear Ms. DeSorbo,
I am currently an employee of Gawker.com (recently relaunched) writing to inquire about the possibility of ghostwriting your book, Outfit Deets. I understand plans for this book have not yet emerged, but I am not someone who is deterred by the absence of an opportunity. I am someone who looks to the future and plans ahead to create opportunities for myself. I believe this qualifies me excellently for the position, as do other attributes such as:
- On time
- Has met many deadlines
- Came up with the title Outfit Deets
As a loyal viewer of Summer House, Winter House, and your Instagram stories, I am eager to share my passion and qualifications with the Outfit Deets team at Gallery Books. I have attached an application for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kelly M. Conaboy, B.A.
Kelly M. Conaboy
Writer looking for a position ghostwriting Paige DeSorbo’s eventual book, tentatively titled Outfit Deets.
A fashion book. Here’s how to style this sort of thing, here’s what you wear to this specific occasion. Tips and tricks. Anecdotes. Here’s how to make my mom’s lasagna. (Her mom makes lasagna.)
Relevant experience, fashion:
Everything I know about fashion I learned from Paige DeSorbo’s “outfit deets.” This will prove to be excellent training in helping to create Paige DeSorbo’s Outfit Deets.
Relevant experience, publishing:
I’ve written a book! (With Amazon reviews such as “a delightful confection” and “seek help.”)
Drexel University, 2009
Bachelor of Arts in English
Minor in Music
Certificate in Creative Writing and Publishing
Products purchased with Paige discount code PAIGE10:
Necessaire “The Body Exfoliator” (Eucalyptus); Necessaire “The Body Wash” (Eucalyptus).
As many things as you can name about Paige DeSorbo in 30 seconds (self timed):
Giggly Squad. ASOS. Rent the Runway sponcon. Uses those round brushes to apply makeup because it feels like a spa and uses less product; would never use a sponge. Mom makes lasagna. Likes espresso martinis. Italian American. Dating Craig Conover. Spent part of the pandemic at her parents’ house and part with her now ex-boyfriend Perry, disapproves of Chrissy Teigen’s social media usage, self described as naturally attracted to sociopaths. Ummmm … SEEMS TO HAVE SOME SORT OF SPONSORED DEAL WITH HER NEW APARTMENT BUILDING ... AMAZON LIVE ... LOVES TO WEAR AN OUTFIT THAT’S JUST A BIG SHIRT ... WENT TO SCHOOL FOR BROADCAST JOURNALISM … TINY PINK PURSE IS FROM HER CHILDHOOD!!!!!
Number of days per week when Paige DeSorbo’s Instagram story is watched in full:
Paige’s favorite makeup element:
Paige’s grand theory of fashion:
Try to find high fashion look-alike items for less but also sometimes you have to splurge.
Does Paige semi-regularly visit home in upstate New York and give her mom explicit instructions for the lunch and dinner she wants once she gets there:
Who is the number one man in Paige’s life?:
Was Paige wrong to not interfere more in Hannah’s fight with Amanda and Kyle during Summer House’s fifth season:
No, she couldn’t have made anything better; Hannah was OOC; she was right to mind her own business.
Translate a quote from Karl Ove Knausgård’s My Struggle: Book 1 into the voice of Paige DeSorbo:
“I do not want anyone to get close to me, I do not want anyone to see me, and this is the way things have developed: no one gets close and no one sees me.” (Knausgård)
“Okay sorry but let’s be real, ultimately I just want it to be like … who is she? Right? I’m like obsessed.” (DeSorbo)
Would people buy this book: