Why is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, 10 out of 10 balls, “so excited!” today, according to a The Rock insider? A baby. A little baby Rock. As prophesied in Us Weekly 9:17, there shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Dwayne, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit.
Carrying the unborn president we will elect in 2060 is Johnson’s partner of nine years, singer Lauren Hashian, who he’s previously credited with keeping his home life “solid” while he engages in his high-profile day job (balling).
The Rock also has a 14-year-old daughter, Simone, with his ex-wife Dany Garcia.
He will, no doubt, excel at fathering a newborn as he excels at all things. Li’l Rocky will have the ballingest crib and the freshest diapers, and will grow up without fear of jabronis at the playground.
“My dad can beat up your dad. Also, my dad is The Rock.”