One delusion common to rich business leaders who are all-powerful figures in their own small domains is the idea that they could lead the whole world just like they lead their business. Example Grande: Howard Schultz.

Howard Schultz—the Starbucks guy. Hey, you run Starbucks. Okay, good. A big old coffee business. Good for you my man. Keep on sellin’ that airport coffee. But it is not enough. Besides “let’s replace ‘small, medium, and large’ with something more obscure,” Howard Schultz has had two defining bad ideas about public policy during his tenure as The Guy In Charge of Starbucks Who Also Likes to Play Like He’s a Public Policy Figure: one is the idea that the main problem facing American politics is “civility,” which is an idea held by officials who are more concerned that someone said something rude about them on TV than they are with the actual laws that are produced; the second is the idea that Howard Schultz—the guy who thought that baristas would be the ones to solve America’s racial issues—is the man to clean this whole system up.

Howard Schultz wrote this in the New York Times, for reasons knowable only to the impenetrable mind of Howard Schultz:

Despite the encouragement of others, I have no intention of entering the presidential fray. I’m not done serving at Starbucks. Although we have built an iconic brand while providing even part-time employees with access to health care, free college education and stock options, there is more we can do as a public company to demonstrate responsible leadership...

Americans who are tired of politics as usual should demand a clear answer to a simple question from every candidate: What will you do to unite all of us?

Okay—which one of you has been fucking with Howard Schultz by telling him with a straight face that he should run for president? That’s mean.

Does Howard Schultz know that often different political parties hold different beliefs on various issues that cannot be reconciled with a slogan printed on a cardboard coffee cup? I suspect he does not.

[Photo: AP]