As the trade winds that blow across the seas are always in flux, so too are the diaper-buying trends of parents around the world. A powerful metaphor? Yes.

And a powerful metaphor is exactly what news of diaper trends deserves—because your baby deserves only the best. Or does your baby deserve only the cheapest? Furthermore, what's wrong with your idiot baby? These are the questions that go to the heart of not only the brand of plastic and cloth covering your infant's buttocks, but to the deepest geopolitical questions facing our world today.

Ad Age reports that P&G's Pampers brand diapers [CLARIFICATION: the "Luvs" ones], which are cheap, are more popular in the US, whereas Kimberly-Clark's Huggies brand diapers, which are considered more "upscale"—whatever that may mean in the context of a poop receptacle—are more popular in China. Why? Perhaps one reason that Chinese parents are able to buy the good diapers is because their babies are so much better at learning not to need diapers. From Ad Age:

Most Chinese families still only have one child, meaning most parents are new to the market. But they don't stay long. "In developed markets like the U.S., babies stay in the category an average of three years," Mr. Hermida said. In China, "potty training starts very quickly, so they stay an average of 14 months."

While American kids are still shitting their pants and costing their parents a small fortune in diaper bills, Chinese kids are off learning how to economically dominate us in the coming century by investing the money their parents saved on diapers! Get your kids' pooping skills together, American parents. You're imperiling us all.

[Photo of America's future: Flickr]