One year ago today, draft-dodging, venison-fueled gun nut Ted Nugent pledged at a Missouri NRA conference that he would be "either be dead or in jail by this time next year" if President Obama were reelected. At the time the Secret Service vowed to investigate Nugent's latest vague threat—previously he'd said he wanted Obama to "suck my machine gun"—but ultimately it turned up no real merit to the ranting.

One year later, there is apparently still no reason to worry about the greying rocker's saber-rattling. Obama won in November, and Nugent, who at 30 made himself his 17-year-old lover's legal guardian, is neither dead nor in jail, because he is exactly what you've always expected: a sad old man who riles up hillbilly sycophants with lies for fame and profit.

Congrats on your year of craven bullshit, Ted. Perhaps you can die or go to jail sometime in 2013.