A German resident who goes by the alias Krümel Monster (Cookie Monster) is on the run from the law after lifting a 44-pound Golden Cookie that has stood guard over the Hannover headquarters of world-famous biscuit maker Bahlsen for the past century.

Though the real Cookie Monster has denied any involvement, a person claiming to be the thief sent a ransom note to at least one local media outlet, along with a photo of themselves in a Cookie Monster costume taking a bite out of the stolen biscuit.

"I have the biscuit!" reads the stereotypical note, which was received by Hannoversche Allgemeine Zeitung yesterday. "You want it and therefore you want on one day in February, to give biscuits to all the children in Bult hospital. But those with milk chocolate, not those with dark chocolate and not those without chocolate. And a golden biscuit for the child cancer ward."

As for the €1,000 (~$1,350) being offered by Bahlsen for information leading to the thief's arrest, Krümel Monster demands it be donated to a local animal shelter.

Failure to follow his instructions will result in the cookie "end[ing] up with Oscar [the Grouch] in the dustbin."

A spokesperson for the hospital mentioned in the letter said Bahlsen had "already done a lot" for the facility and "doesn't need to be coerced in this way."

Somehow I doubt the sick children would agree.

[H/T: Huff Post, photos via HAZ, AP]